| dotty world
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2008-11-20
The style is very different. I've never read anything quite like this, although I really do like it.
The last line is brilliant.
This poem leaves me wanting more of what you have to say in this piece.
I think the real beauty in the structure is that it visually signals to the reader that there is more to the piece than meets the eye.
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| Hey! Economists!
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2008-11-20
I like the post-modern feel of this, criticizing society and its absurdity by using the absurd.
This is an interesting read.
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| The Feast of Fowl (Metaphor Challenge)
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2008-11-20
I love this.
I love the flow and the way it sounds in my mind. The hints of rhyme at the very end bring this piece to a wonderful conclusion.
Great piece.
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| Because Of Me
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2008-11-15
I like this, very much. Usually I prefer poetry that makes use of words and phrases you would not typically come across in everyday conversation, but this is wonderful.
I love the blunt truth.
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| The whisper of man (One cool devil)
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2008-11-13
I'm not really sure about your line "Keep that key to your heart closed in a black box of avenger".
"...black box of avenger" seems awkward and doesn't seem to follow to the next line.
I feel like I wasn't really sure what was going on. The references to "glasses of ice" and "black cream" were kind of confusing to me.
I really liked the tone, and the simple lines were able to invoke powerful imagery, especially:
"Street race and beams that gone blind you
Runaway train carry the last heart
One beat
One cool devil"
The gradual shortening of the lines gives it a dramatic effect and adds to the poem's urgency.
I think the tone and the images it invoked were my favorite parts.
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from USA 