Spargo Postle

2011-09-13
this is a very nice piece of writing... having written it in one continuous stanza it gives no quarter for the reader stopping and taking breath... the one stanza style gives the impression that the thoughts contained within the poem move quickly yet the subject matter suggests relaxed, leisurely, still calm... personally I'm not sure whether it matters if it one stanza, as that is what we as writers / poets do, think - write - correct - post... You may wish to try putting into seperate stanza's just to see if the mood changes... As I said at the beginning this is a very nice piece of writing, thanks for sharing it with me...

2011-09-13
Why??????? That doesn't mean you have to actually tell us in intimate detail, you use metaphor here to give us the end result but how will you help us see... Great words though... Love Ya, Spargo Postle.

2011-09-13
those last three lines are very powerful and have a really good rhythm, they build into a scream almost.... The first line works well and it fits as a single commentary on what you feel / felt at one moment in time... how about you tell us what the inbetween bits are / were that made the character, or you, feel such passion to sit and write this down... You quite obvioulsy have a talent for expressing emotion so give us something bigger... Love Ya, Spargo Postle.

2011-09-13
I'm not a critic so this is not really a critique, but here are my thoughts on this one... as a four line poem this is a well constructed piece... I like the term yesterday night on the second line but it becomes a bit of a stumbler when I read it out loud... You have a very clear and simple voice in this very deep and meaningful piece, but a poet doesn't have to die to become a great poet, a great poet must live through the tragedy and pain and use their talent to tell the world that they are there to share the good and the bad feelings that others can't express, this notion is now a burden you need to carry one with... Help us understand more about these feelings... Share with us your thoughts and words... Show those that are blind to such feelings... On a very pesonal note this one left me wanting more!!! Can you stretch this out but without it losing its power...??? Love Ya, Spargo Postle...

2011-09-13
I would leave a review, if only I could understand the words...!!!

2011-09-10
wise words indeed... I liked the word grasping in this context as that is what we tend to do, grasp...

2011-09-10
the piece has very calming quality to it, well conceived and very well written...