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You've used the word 'dreams' four times in this single poem, out of which the second should be replaced by a something else, solely because it arrives a little too early with easy rhymes.

"Songs are played" again asserts an unsound repetition. I'm sure you'd find a better phrase for it.

I see the four line structure throughout, but it could use some breaks, or pauses. Like "Full of words without meaning" to
"Full of words
without meaning"

I've only pointed out all these because the poem is otherwise quite dreamy, especially for someone like me who prefers the night. Lines like "A dream that feeds the firelight" reminds me how much I love poetry.

When Our Pain Collides

Yet another poem with a thunderstorm and hiding and another one that I loved. I love it from the very first verse. That "But I don't actually hear for real" comes neatly, and sets the mood for the rest of the poem.
Listen to Nathaniel Rateliff's "Once In A Great While". It's very close to my heart and given this piece, I have a feeling you'd love it just as much.

Rest, listen, look and see

Absolutely in awe of this. Definitely reading it again. I'd love to hear this recited! If you haven't yet heard of Keaton Henson, please do look up for his poems. They have a similar rhythm to yours. P.S. He's a heartbreakingly beautiful singer as well 💙

The Quest Returns

I prefer this to the other rhyming pieces of yours.
Though I very much like this "Acquisitions were the coins of trade", it breaks an otherwise smooth flow.
I second with the overall theme of your poem.
As Justin Vernon sings in "Wisconsin", "love is love's return".

Bootlicking 101

You succeeded. I had a bit of a cringe but that goes to show you actually did it. My mind even read it in a Nepali uncle's voice. But the poem, despite all that, isn't (what's the word I'm looking for?). It was something like you'd read Rohinton Mistry do, the boring, almost annoying touch of the local.
If you are up for it, try writing about something else, possibly romantic or sad or both, in the same style.

her love

Have I said before I absolutely love this structure of poems, the double spaces, the dragging of a line to the next and everything else? For this, I'd say " there-ness" serves perfectly as you still "cannot say", this gives that feeling as if the poem were happening right now as we read it, which is another thing I love about your poems. This was a beautiful love poem.

~~~ J A M

Well, can't say I don't appreciate a nice bottom, and a poem to go with it

Ashes Of My Burned Past

The first thing that came to my mind was one of my favorite songs by Alter Bridge: Watch Over You.
I love the opening two lines. The rest has a general aura to it.

Since you're going with "To pave" to start with, the use of two "to"s in the following "to be able to" sounds awkward.

I'd prefer if you were more specific, more you in your pieces. For example, "If you want to really find me
Just search through your heart." This I've read a thousand times before. It goes without saying you should avoid clichés as such.

I've also noticed your writing in general has a lot of "I'll"(I will) or it's variations. Try writing some outside of your usual comfort zone.




I understand that your foundation and involvement in poetry started from the music you listen to. My major influence in past few years has been songs as well but you need to differentiate between the two forms, especially the fact that in songs, music fills for the lack of structure or even coherence for that matter, while we only have words in here (and line breaks and yada yada I mean you get my point). Again as I say to most in here, ruminate some more. Don't just say things we've been hearing all our lives. Hope to read more, refined pieces from you.


Of all the poems here, this involves less in a vague societal hatred and focuses more on the individual subject. It does need rework. I don't like the ".. myself flooded. Flooded in..." kind of poetic schemes myself. Also try minimizing the use of already existing and vastly exploited phrases like "muted mouths" and "silent melodies". Still I think this has got a better potential than the others.

Outside the Café

First off, let me start by saying this poem is slow, even when showing so many movements. Well crafted but lacking passion. Before you arrive to the final verse, at least show that you were smacked right down just before with it and didn't all along know about it, or if you did, maybe you forgot for just a moment.

"beautiful loser", really, you're going with that? Also, the use of "beautiful" twice in consecutive lines is a big no. Also while we're at the matter of reputations here, the second "I find myself" is completely unnecessary. Personally I would prefer "elegance of a dancing body" than ".. her.." Gives your indifferent routine of watching them or their likes, a subtle emphasis. Or if your motive is actually to

True Love

You might have nudged me to change how I think about love. Probably would take some time but still, it's nice to time and again, read the age-old notions of love. Also love how completely unfazed the other person, any other person, is when it comes to this topic. Lastly, welcome back, Starman, you have been sorely missed


It's a warning, a "beware" so it's kind of justified but personally I've never liked the use of exclamations at all and only prefer them as a last alternative for any emotion

Still Looking

This is so beautiful!

But why use 'I was at the end of the town' when you've already given another poignant picture for the same in the previous 'The houses stopped'

Empty bottles

Loved the poem and I somehow, quite pleasantly, read this in Billy Collins' voice.

You Say Love

I loved the simplicity of the whole poem as I love all things that look as if they came easy. The line from Dickinson sneaks perfectly. The ending verses are a little too hurried. Do something as to elongate the last line in particular if you're going to use "here" three times consecutively, even go with the full "did not" instead of "didn't"