Dead fish are floating

you win
you win
painted roses on rusty tin
slipped off the radar long ago
rolling in autumn leaves
reaching out
your way to scream
your way to shout
you only made one mistake
should have left me behind the gate
but there was a moment
when we had it tight
under the stars
you told a story of tramps
in numbered sleeping bags
on our roof at night
there was a purity
bathed in a hue of light
then i sliced up my identity
cut up all your dolls
you sang to Mick Jagger
i crawled into a hole
it meant nothing really
only the end of the world
all that's left
rusty hearts on painted tin
the champagne has gone
the nail driven in
dead fish are floating
you win
you win

Rik - 10/05/2006

Poetry by Rik The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 1063 times
Written on 2006-05-11 at 10:34

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Kee Zealy The PoetBay support member heart!
I like the comparison of a the death of a relationship to a dead fish. Interesting. How can something that appears so right at first go so wrong?

Being a fan of psycho killer thrillers I could not help but see before me one of those outback plains inhabiter that collects people's dismembered torso's and his romantic relationship with one of his victims that tried to trick him, and of course wound up dead fish...

Thus I am obliged to admit, just like the previous comment, your piece make images and stories come up in a person. In my case a gory thriller I enjoyed. *oops wonder what that says about me...*

Great piece!

"it meant nothing really
only the end of the world"

And, as always, you know how to conjure up all sorts of things in the mind of the reader. This reader, anyway.

Amanda Manmohan
This is an extremely heart-breaking text. I am sure that the only reason that you didn't get tons of comments on it is because most people, like me, have no words to describe how amazing it is. I really enjoyed reading it and I will continue to read it because it definitely touched me. Well done!

Zoya Zaidi
A poignant piece full of pathos of reality long forgotton, yet lingering on...
Very goon flow too.
Well done Riky!
love, xxx, Zoya

hey there rik this poem brings the memories of past relationships back to me
sort of what we were well done on content pace and style rgds mike what price my simplistic romantic texts well done rgds mike


by Rik