Change of ending - kath didn't like it :-)


Tic Tac Toe

Rasping grating
lizards tongue
monkeys screaming
the skies undone
snakes slither
spiders creep
into the darkness
where fairies sleep
goblins jumping
cackle and spit
vultures chewing
on the days salty grit
old friends whisper
take the knife
pierce the envelope
of the stale dank night
choke on bile
as life drowns in
insects crawling
beneath tarnished skin
the rats are feeding
they know you're alone
playing Tic Tac Toe
with the Devil's bones.


Rik - 23/03/2007




Poetry by Rik The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 804 times
Written on 2007-03-24 at 05:19

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night soul woman The PoetBay support member heart!
Wow! I really like this one!
Nice rhythm!*applause*
and *bookmarked*of course:)
Well written!
2008-03-22


yoonoos peerbocus
the animal imagery depicts the storm blowing inside and gives all the emotional touch required to bring home the message
2007-03-28


nature
cool
i liked it
2007-03-26


F.i.in.e Moods The PoetBay support member heart!
oo a dark one... the mention of lizards and creepy crawly things really sets a specific mood to this... the type of place you don't want to find yourself in anyway lol very vivid what comes to mind as a picture of the scenery... the words create a sort of damp, sombre, kind of bottom of the well in some deep cavern hidden somewhere feel hehe... sort of like one of the Indiana Jones episodes, remember? hehe ;) well, definitely not a bright sunny day spent in a rose garden anyway lol ;) bookmarked :) *hugs* xx
2007-03-26


Autie
baffling interesting piece I must re-read to grasp fully, but I like,... no love the crawlers in this piece, i love insects and creeping things.

Great job!

Autie
2007-03-24


kath
thank you ...what a nice gesture :)

and I so like your new ending as the devil only excists in the mind ... it is a concept you can challenge and win ...

loved your poem ...
kath
2007-03-24


liz munro The PoetBay support member heart!
I love your opening
two lines.....
"Rasping grating
lizards tongue"

Really gives goosebumps
Dark but I like the imagery
I don't know what tic tac toe is though

BOOKMARKED AS FAVE

L.
2007-03-24


kath
dark and still rich of light are these words to me.. because they flow and jump on the surface wanting to be free .....

"vultures chewing
on the days salty grit
old friends whisper
take the knife
pierce the envelope
of the stale dank night
choke on bile
as life drowns in
Tic Tac Toe
you can never win."

these lines jumped at me ... they carry a lot ... but I do not belive in the last line ... I do belive we can win :)

well done
best wishes
kath
2007-03-24

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