Come the whisper of the fool

It's snowing in my heart
and it will never end
a blanket that wraps all memories
no reason left to pretend.

So come the whisper of the fool
hungry for the word of truth
gently your voice troubles
searching for my soul.

Thoughts cascade ignite deceit
stealing my every dream
concrete flowers rooted so deep
eclipse the hollow heart.

Memories stir momentarily
slipping beyond the realm
emotions billow sail the mind
wounding on the way.

Here the echo of the day
beats a soulless beat
wings are broken under weight
tranquillity never found.

Rik - 05/04/2007

Poetry by Rik The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 614 times
Written on 2007-04-05 at 15:46

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...emotions billow sail the mind
wounding on the way.

Selah! Pause and calmly think of that... A great poet's piece...

Language: 5
Format: 5
Overall: 5
Mood: 5
2007-04-07 Moods The PoetBay support member heart!
Overall value of the text:

- they say a thousand monkeys writing for a thousand years could produce all of shakespeare's sonnets... i think this could have been written by one monkey on his coffee break...

How do you value the language of the text and grammatical quality? Could the author have used other words:

- i think you're granmar is appalling... but the use of full-stops at the end of sentences shows great promise... and your use of the alphabet has to be noted, it is very intuitive... i did enjoy how you followed one word after another...

How is the text formatted? Are paragraphs used and how do they affect the text? Is the text too long? Does the format harmonize with the content?

- well... i thought the first letter was fantastic, really... the font selection is inspired, and the background color well chosen... i did notice your signature, very beautiful... and of course, have to mention, the date format was the most interesting... see, not just negative stuff even though i was very pleased to get to the end of this one...

Judge the mood of the text and how effectively it is conveyed to the reader.

- i found watching a game of golf on tv more animated... but hey, don't give up the writing... dreams are important, right?


*hugs* xx

Pamela A Lamppa
When there is no peace, it does sing the fools song... Ahhh. Great title for this most introspective piece. A pleasure to have read today, though I am left a bit windblown. Nice work. ~Pamela

Language: 4
Format: 4
Overall: 5
Mood: 5
2007-04-06 Moods The PoetBay support member heart!
a deeply dark air to this is what i feel (may just be projections from my state of mind :p) ... also feels nearly desolate with the mention of "snowing" in the heart... the gentleness coming through gives the sensation like very deep turmoil consuming... flowing into the center of the heart really... memories and sadnesses of lost times is what this strikes in my mind... not knowing where to go, and sort of forgetting vaguely without really ever forgetting where it was... letting go, or not caring anymore perhaps... ...the feelings coming through really transport like a soft sad melody that can't go unheard... written beautifully, as always... :) *hugs* xx

Kathy Lockhart
when i read you i am transported to another place in my mind. I find myself just enjoying the sound and flow but yet I am ever searching for true meaning. It is elusive because I am just the admirer not the creator of this art. Beyond that and because of it I am always moved by your poetry.

Memories are the greatest to treasure as well as those ready to be made, a great piece here man!!!

Language: 5
Format: 5
Overall: 4
Mood: 5

Oh my.... I simply love this one!!! Wonderful flow in the text and I especially liked "beats a soulless beat, wings are broken under weight"



by Rik