A revised version. Thanks Jim and Sameen.


In the Current

Day after day
Night after night

Summer & winter
Every passing hour

The silence of time
Like arrow tips, piercing

Outside tumultuous chaos
Sounding lightning shrieks

Stir my heart-ocean
The waves tumbling & tussling

Amorphous bulks
Of clouds above & below

Lunging & plunging
Into its abysmal darkness

Battling & rattling
In brute confusion

You ask my name
In daydream delusions

With turquoise eyes
Shining & questioning

Certainly, no idea
Where we came from

Certainly, no idea
Where we are going

Aimless star dusts
Lodged in our lives

We, the branches of
The mythological river

Flowing downstream
In chaos & tumult

Caught in the current
Whirling & rolling

I carry you
You carry me

That's how it could be
With all the stillness

Of this eyeless beholding.




Poetry by Bibek
Read 60 times
Written on 2016-12-04 at 06:02

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Jamsbo Rockda The PoetBay support member heart!
You are to be commended for actually going back and re-crafting your work. That is something I find hard to do. This is an interesting piece about a dream. Perhaps a dream that may contain the answers for you regarding life, love and companionship. I like the language and the feeling :)
2016-12-08


one trick pony The PoetBay support member heart!
Bibek, I've watched this poem evolve, and each change shows your maturation as a writer. Your willingness to seek and listen and edit is all to your credit. Well done.
2016-12-08


Ashe The PoetBay support member heart!
This is a very dramatic poem which tries to convey such strong feelings and wistful and wanting. Wishing for the current of time that flows in such agony while alone, when together they could be sheltered. The words are well chosen to show what is being experienced in the current without the other. I find the words very dramatic but somehow the poem seems to lack the feeling they are supposed to convey. ... I will come back and read it again tomorrow.
Ashe*
2016-12-08