UntitledI feel you all, like an extension of me:
Those souls that dared to entwine with mine
in a moment of radical honesty
or a moment of palpable recognition -
that invisible dance of invisible creativity.
And I don't understand why we are not
experiencing the dream,
the true living, not the illusion.
Or if I do, I don't understand how to live
I can't settle.
I can't bear it any more.
The gap between this and the longed for is unbearable.
I feel you still,
I call out and my call is answered.
Threefold, a thousand fold perhaps
if I had eyes to see it.
Weeping, it's not the loss of what we had,
but the depth of its continuation urging us onward and
It's the world, the world, the world that wasn't built for me,
the cage of it locked down over the body of the goddess.
All the things I thought were wishful thinking,
metaphors for my values pleasures and strengths,
are beating at the walls of my heart.
They want to live, alive in my experience.
They are expressions of my loyalty that long to be manifest.
I think I might break something or
burn a world to the ground.
Courage comes in hungry mouthfuls
cos I starved myself in the fields of fear.
Action comes like a knife ready to cut out violently
that which could easily have dissolved
(surely it would?)
if only I had acted sooner
to reorientate my life.
This dark tide... The fertility of an emotional ocean
...I wonder would I bathe in you
if you were someone else's water?
The universal truths are more easily accepted
when tasted through you.
My own femininity disappoints me.
I treat her like she's set herself against all of my plans and dreams.
Because she doesn't make sense
when read through the lens of this constructed world
full of constructs,
lacking in spirit.
She is not alone, none of us make sense
when we unravel the red thread and storm darkly onto the scene
With individual might expressed
potently, powerfully, proudly out of place
and out of time
and out of space, revelling in the distruption caused
by just existing
I've never felt more alive than in those moments
but that is only part of the story
and not the way of the water.
Diving deep now, into water and shadow.
I'll bring forth my world for you to taste
But let me swim a while
In the dark river of fertile dreams.
Written: July 2016
(Title suggestions welcome)
Words by Maija Liepins
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Written on 2017-01-31 at 06:16
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