In our tenth year
IN OUR TENTH YEARI beg, I beseech, I plead, I shout, I scream,
you are unruffled, stiff, and starched .
I reach, I crouch, I approach, I touch,
you are unmoved ,unyielding, untouched.
Can't say with certainty, when it began,in the second year,
definitely before the third ,the slow decline, the subtle bend,
the sinister storm, stealthily crept up on us, at first softly,
then treading fast, stomping, trampling it all ,without fear.
Dark , devouring, destroying everything in it's wake
leaving nothing the same ,altering me to somebody fake
From secret erotic love notes to forwarding clichéd marriage jokes,
arguing with all my might to giving in even when I am right,
pouring my heart out to holding it all in till it burst,
having an opinion about everything to acting "suitably dumb".
You say I rattle away without a pause,
What was charming and witty now seems rude,
Now when in company even amongst friends,
my ears and eyes are cautiously trained on you ,
as soon as I sense you have something to say ,
even if mid-sentence, I stop right away .
Giving in, giving up the last word in discussions
seems much easier, than the repercussions
of avenging hot searing, soul tearing, words.
Where did we lose the, soft endearing words?
I smile but never laugh, I speak softly never shout.
I feign sleep on long drives, read on cold winter nights.
I volunteer for women's rights, quietly relive old fights.
Carefully covering up for my dull claustrophobic life.
In our tenth year
I dwell in empty, unhappy places, in broken
Promises, Vacant silences, pregnant pauses.
Unfeeling, unfelt, unseen, unloved
Unnoticed, unwanted and unheard.
.
We reside our separate complaint boxes
in air so toxic, I spill out sometimes
in forgotten forevers, countless regrets
in love lost , a hard silent frost.
My silly jokes made you smile, even giggle
My touch melted your love, sweet as honey it
dripped down languorously , caressing, soaking
seeping in every pore, engulfing me all over.
The dark clouds came unnoticed, disguised.
As the banalities of life, the daily strife?
Broken a.cs , missing "bais" ,leaking taps, missed naps.
Tiny deceptions, dilly dallying, small digressions
delayed confessions, little imperfections, your snoring
my ignoring, Conflicting interests ,Star world or Romedy?
And then became more daring roaring as
your mother brandishing old conventions,
my repeated rebuttal ,blowing age -old notions
daily chores , divison of work , balancing till it hurt?
Why do we keep trudging along ,
Existing where we don't belong?
Is it acquired taste of pain, addiction
to brutal barbs, brilliant rejoinders,
battle wounds and blood thirst?
An evil egoistic desire to see who breaks first?
Or a whiff from past, reminding us, what it was,
our happy banter, constant chatter, crazy nights,
exhilarating conversations with intense insights,
private jokes, laughing till one of us choked.
A secret hope to reset, reboot, rekindle , recreate,
regain ,what it was and restore what we were.
Is this the destiny of matrimony?
The magic is meant to last for a season,
it rhymes with acrimony for a reason.
Or is this our own " special" creation?.
Poetry by Seema
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Editors' choiceWritten on 2017-05-11 at 17:53
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