Follow up to Taboo
When I was little, my mom ran a nursery school from the front room of our house. It was a well-lit space with a large window facing the front yard. Below the window was a little fold up table where I used to practice my ABC's. I remember understanding the whole concept of the alphabet at that very table.
Years later, that was the exact same spot at which I gave up my virginity. Of course the fold up table was now a fold up bed and the large window had curtains. But it was still the same exact spot, and the same kind of revelation.
Notice the way I said 'gave up' instead of 'lost' my virginity. Lost implies I'll be able to find it again. It also implies I was quite careless with it, which surely wasn't the case. It took hours of phone sex before I even reached that point. Not to mention the first few nights of foreplay!
Lost also implies that I miss it now that it's gone. I lost my watermelon lip gloss when I was in high school and I still miss that. But I've never missed my virginity. Not for a second. I don't think any girl ever has.
So I gave it up. A good thought-out giving up like giving up my favourite pair of jeans that didn't fit anymore or giving up that aerobics class I never really got the hang of.
It was the day I quit being a virgin. And it wasn't exactly life-changing or life-thretening. It was simple and intuitive and a choice.
I like my choice. I like the timing, the man, the location, the decision to go without a condom. Oh yes, we went au natural! But it was worth it. It still is.
I remember a time when the first day of my period was just gross and uncomfortable. But ever since I gave up my virginity, it's nothing but a relief! I think switching over to tampons also had something to do with it.
I've been on the pill for 9 months now, 7 if you don't count the months I broke the cycle. Yes, I self medicated, 'cos the gyno I went to was too judgy and I couldn't bring myself to confide in her, which is a pity 'cos I deserve some professional advice.
Ultimately growing up is a journey of self-discovery and even though I don't particularly like being an adult, I like finding out new things about myself. I now know that I'm against abortion, I want a daughter someday and I definitely don't want my virginity back!
Essay by Purple Puddles
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Written on 2017-11-06 at 08:27
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