My mother, my Lord


I didn't mean to hurt you
that's what I said
I didn't mean to intrude on you
I wanted to say

I didn't want to see you
see me as I am
when I am illuminated by anger
over my lost prowess

I did not mean to tell you
that I loved everyone and you
as well
that drunken night

I didn't mean to hurt you
by saying all of that

But I did intend on meeeting you
soul to soul
eye to eye
looking for an answer:

are we allowed outside?

To dream immortal dreams?
and punish wicked memories
of men hurting our bodies
as we were small little childish and
wild beasts from the east
were the sun rises
as we do with it
so immortal that even Jesus says so

with only God to tell us: yes!
that's our mother saying yes

and do you know that God smells
like homemade bread?
Or didn't you tell by the air of it?
The one breathed into Adamś nostrils
while he was still in bed?

Oh, mother, tell me how I hurt you
by being one with myself
by drinking not water, but alcohol
and by shrredding your dreams of me,

Oh, mother, God, have I not fallen
from your grace as I fall down drunk on the streets again?

Oh, mother, should I be allowed
out there
to dream?
Oh, brother mine, just to put you in.

My mother, what dreams I have
of you lingering through all my eternal life
how you put light
above my head at night
when I think the monsters will come out to hunt me down:

My Mother, how ashamed I am
of your caress and my slap in your face for that
Oh, mother
what shame have I brought
to your loins again,
as my dad did once?

Oh, sinister semantics
would you tell my story right?

I will tell you what I think of thee;

If you let me be me
tonight.





Poetry by Ivan R
Read 42 times
Written on 2017-12-05 at 22:06

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Ashe The PoetBay support member heart!
I wish there was a way to take all this pain and hurt away. This is a heartfelt poem of hurt and pleading. My heart goes out to you and your mother who have been my very dear friends.
I wait for your next poem to be a happier one.+
Ashe
2017-12-09