A pantoum, the Malay verse form.




For My Girlfriend

 

There's something quite appalling in your love,

I feel it, but I don't know how to say.

“You're a problem with no solution thereof.”

Why do you always have to talk that way?

 

I know the real you, but I dare not say.

“All men are dogs, let's exterminate them.”

I hate it when you keep talking that way.

Your love, the horrid thing, how I condemn!

 

“All men are dogs, let's exterminate them.”

“If there are no men, women will be safe.”

Your love, the horrid thing, how I condemn.

Girl, did I ever make you feel unsafe?

 

If there are no men, will women be safe?

I wonder if my thoughts are lame and old;

Tell me, do I still make you feel unsafe?

Should I then weigh my love in scales of gold?

 

I feel my thoughts are a bit lame and old;

I know my love for you is true and deep.

Should I weigh your feeling in scales of gold?

Should I then take you to the land of sleep?

 

The love for you in my heart is so deep,

But there’s something appalling in your love.

Should I then take you to the land of sleep

And give solutions to all problems thereof?

 

 

Bibek Adhikari





Poetry by Bibek
Read 330 times
Written on 2019-03-01 at 11:48

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Coo & Co The PoetBay support member heart!
Members of Coo & Co also enjoy a fine pantoum, Bibek. Here it seems most fitting to a rather complicated relationship, turning through a few tricky themes :>)
2019-03-06


Jamsbo Rockda The PoetBay support member heart!
Well constructed and with nice rhymes. I am not really a fan of repetitive verse but it works.
2019-03-02


Ashe
I like pantoums, and this one is very well done, filled with strong feelings and things unsaid. I must add since it is dedicated to your girlfriend, that not all men are dogs and need to be eradicated, but I know what you mean. I've shared the same feeling at times. Good poem.
Ashe
2019-03-01


josephus The PoetBay support member heart!
This is a marvellous construct Iíve not read before. You work within it wonderfully. The repetitions and the variations within them compact the theme and hammer it on itself much like the layers of Damascus steel. Great work Bibek.
2019-03-01



Adept and accomplished, sinewy and strong. Thank you for posting this fine poem!
2019-03-01