I was bored, and felt like writting a poem, and was sorta sad.


In Love

He takes my breathe away,
and suddenly I have nothing to say.

All I feel is pain,
my tears begin to rain.

I remember he loves her and her only,
which just makes me feel lonely.

I can't sleep at night,
I know its not right.

So I fake a smile,
but it only works for awhile.

When he looks towards me,
I understand Im invisible, you see.

I'm so in love with you,
and I know you'll never feel the same, too.



Poetry by allegra
Read 999 times
Written on 2006-08-01 at 05:59

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Thomas Perdue The PoetBay support member heart!
I like it, wonderful rhymes!
In my opinion, some of the rhymes toward the end felt a bit forced, but I really like it all the same. It has a very musical quality to it. Nice work!
T.
2008-06-22


Mitzi
Great job!!...keep up the wonderful work! :D
M.
2007-02-05


Patrik Lind
very nice writ and touching.
2006-10-14


zeeshan
well am a little late , but lady i must say this is a very touching and lovely text, congo's to you your first text and here it is bookmarked , your next post awaited.
2006-09-05


Rob Graber
I like the lines, "When he looks towards me / I understand Im invisible you see." Avoid highly predicatable rhymes, and show more of the wit you flashed with "invisible you see"!
2006-08-06


Arti
Good job! Just try to maintain the same flow in the poem - most of the poem talks about "him", the last couplet suddenly changes to "you" - it kinda breaks the flow.
But this is a beautiful poem....I love it. Will come back later to check for more. Welcome to the bay!
2006-08-02