How much the truth hurts


Coming to Terms

Like waking up after all these years

To realize the pain from all these tears

My safety had gone straight down the drain

From all the hurt how much more could I gain

The way I use to look in your eyes

But now all I see is mistrust and lies

You were my rock, my safety from the storm

Now the fire is out and I'm no longer warm

I want to run away from the pain that I feel

But each needle stuck in is more and more real

Loving you had brought down my shield

My heart was open and finally revealed

I wanted to run and try to escape

From the constant cry of drugs, abuse, and rape

Now I lie here battered and bruised

With a mind shattered, dead, and confused

I wished for happiness in so many ways

But found myself lost in a endless maze

My constant worry was your delight

As I vanished on the eve of tonight





Poetry by Coolaaron88
Read 833 times
Written on 2006-11-29 at 04:12

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Amanda K
Admire the flow of words. it was very impressing. the theme is clear and the words used delivered it skilfully.

all the best,

Language: 5
Format: 4
Overall: 5
Mood: 5
2006-12-04


Shelbie
Wow... don't even know what to say.
I love it!
****ShelC
2006-11-29


tony legba
Yes, you saw it!
2006-11-29


tony legba
A poem that has a rhythmic flow to it.
The opening lines are interesting: 9/10/9/10/9/10 syllables.
The effect is that rhyme is off-set and has an unsettling feel that fits the emotional unease.
For me, as your lines become longer, they become less rhythmically effective.
You rhyme in couplets, but the lines (in terms of meaning) fall into quatrains. Somehow, I am left waiting for two more lines at the end...the final two lines do not conclude the poem, not fully, and some sort of intent/resolution is required.
I want a fine finish to a well-worked poem, whereas the "ways"/"maze" rhyme is rather too relaxed and obvious--and you are not in a relaxed mood.
As a poem, this has honesty and the emotion does progress through images well.
I wonder what poets you really know, beyond Poetbay, and what you know about technique.
Intriguing. Well done!

Language: 4
Format: 4
Overall: 4
Mood: 4
2006-11-29


Tori
i love it! it flows so good. i hope you feel better. i'd tell you its okay that i'm here, but i'm a complete stranger that has only heard a few words you were able to bend and display for us. well, at least i can say that you're good at writing.
2006-11-29



WOW! well i have tears in my eyes, the sorrow of the poem was sent into my soul, this is just purely beautiful, either i'm having deja vu or ive read this before, either that or its just that good (probably the latter) I love this poem! *bookmark*

~Kiva
2006-11-29


Kathy Lockhart The PoetBay support member heart!
Aaron this is flawless in rhythm and rhyme. I love the flow of this, the feel of it, the emotion of it.
2006-11-29