Winston Latanafrancia Soldevilla
Well done my friend! I myself join you in dreaming.
Don't you know that dreamers were the ones who made humanity humans. Be glad to be one. As I quote John Lennon's words " You might say that I am a dreamer. But, I am not the only one. I hope someday you'll come and join us. and the world will live as one." As Christopher columbus would say it "Our dreams bring light to the unknown realm."
love the shape of your format. looks like a lot of mountains to climbed on when you look to the right side of it.
2007-08-12

danshäxan
Hallo!
En annorlunda version på vår svenska bön....
GUD SOM HAVER BARNEN KÄR...
See my comments..../ danshäxan

Molted feathers
(nice that the title comes back later.... makes it
important)



As I lay me down to sleep
wishing my soul safe to keep
I close my eyes and realize
what really matters
what really is
(nursery prayer... rythm... good)

and not what it was...
once upon a time.
(puts me off rythm.... and that is right on time!)

In my dreamland I find
my refuge
my sanctuary...
(time stands still here... like magic)

In my silence

Wise spirits
whisper to me
words of wisdom
(I have problems with the second and third line here...
maybe a change of words och change the word order?)

images sounds and feelings

help me understand
why the raven
flew down
the avenue

leaving
molted feathers
for me to find,
every time
a new dream
comes to life...
(these eleven lines above are the
strongest... I love them... and about the raven...
beautiful)

-I just have to believe
that every dream is a path
that I have to take (cut "that"?)
and it might lead me (rephrase? but keep content)
to the golden egg...

Now I wake up knowing
that as long as I can dream
my soul will be safe.
(nice and happy ending...)
2007-08-06

V.V.Ramesh
gr8 one and i liked this:)
2007-08-04

lastromantichero
Carmen you poetry is so soft and gentle with the touch of nostalgic reverie i found many times in Elizabeth browning Christina Rossetie and the like well done rgds mike
2007-08-04