I fell asleep on a late night train. I missed my stop and went round again. Why would I want to see you now? To fix it up, make it up somehow I guess. I woke up and found myself thinking about you. Thinking of what you're up to and where you've been, just thinking. I got my fingers burnt now when I think of touching your hair, you used to burn pleasantly before you turned your back on me. But oh, how often people change, how no two remain the same, why things don't always turn out as you planned. Lately, it seems right is wrong and wrong is everything we need, maybe. I hope so.
You left me with lightning and thunder, which I drowned out with the sound of my tears. Through my bloodshot eyes, I saw what used to look like happiness just walk away. Since that day, I have just been trying to kill loneliness without you. Right now he’s alive and kicking, walking here besides me, blabbering about what could have been if I had only been someone else. He tells me that he was once like me; he never found an embrace to hold on to. But I would like to think that I will, perhaps I will. Although I never seem to do anything right, I thought I got rid of Loneliness some time ago. He asks if he can follow me home, I nod.
There is something glimmering in the street, far away in the distance, a foreign object in a foreign place. But the glimmer waits, a paralyzing breath is exhaled and the footsteps that I control continue. I really don’t know where I’m going, but the starlight might lead me there, perhaps. Oh, how ignorant my thoughts may be. I don’t believe in things like heaven and hell, but faith seems as real as air. You can’t see it nor taste it, but feel it when things sway. Lately my dear, the wind has been blowing straight in my face. Thus I know my faith awaits me. I look at my cell phone. Perhaps I can make it ring by just looking at it long enough. 01.30, the cell phone isn’t ringing. I wonder what you’re up to right now. I guess you’re not dialling my number.
Walking past a kiosk, Loneliness stops me and says he’d like to go in. This guy just can’t stop bugging me, but I guess I’m the one who invited him to walk with me. We walk towards the entrance. This “we” phenomenon consisting of me, and something that looks like my shadow. Loneliness walks up to the ice cream. He stands there for quite a while before he picks up a pink ice cream cone. “That’s a kids’ ice cream,”. He looks at me like he’s going to throw it at me. He walks up to the clerk, put the kids’ ice cream on the counter. “One fifty” the clerk says with a funny accent. I think he’s Indian, but I don’t really know. Loneliness looks at me. “What?” I stare at him. “I don’t have any money, come on, it’s only a buck fifty”. I pay for his ice cream and walk out of the store. I still don’t get why he wanted an ice cream, it’s freezing out here. But hey, he’s Loneliness, there’s got to be something wrong with him, right?
We continue walking towards a couple of houses. They’re all perfectly realigned and they all look the same. Some of them are lit, some of them not. One of the houses has a gnome in the front yard. I look at Loneliness and say, “Have you seen that movie ‘Amelie de Monmatre’?” Loneliness shakes his head, “I don’t really watch a lot of movies”. Well, I do, and when you’re lonely it’s a good way of pretending that you’re actually someone else, in some other place and some other time. You would think Loneliness should know this better than anyone. “The movie is about a lonely girl called Amelie. One of the things that happen in the movie is that Amelie steals her father’s favourite gnome and sends it around the world sending him pictures of it from different sights and such.” “What has that got to do with anything?” says Loneliness and kicks a little rock lying beside the road. “Well, wouldn’t it be fun to do something like that? Like, taking that gnome over there and then taking a trip around the world. You know, like Amelie did.” “I don’t really like flying”. Loneliness stares up at the sky. We continue walking towards the starlight together.
We walk past the river, it’s frozen now. I bend over to pick up a straw, the last one that hasn’t perished. It’s different from all the others; it’s so green and alive. “This one is a fighter” I say and smile a crooked smile. Loneliness turns towards me. “You won’t be lonely forever you know.” I look at him with a frown. “How can you be so sure?” He smiles.
“Your cell phone is ringing.”
Short story by Natalie
Read 827 times
Written on 2007-11-13 at 09:39
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