I've Lost Me

Does anyone out there really know me?
I used to, but now, I can't find me.
Anywhere.
It seems I had just gotten things figured out
when things started happening that I could
do nothing about.
At all.
Suddenly the world came to my door
and spun me and piled on me and left
me on the floor.
Alone.
But that couldn't be right. I couldn't be alone
I had a family and a good home
I thought.
Yes, yes it was good. My home is still here
But I can't seem to find me anywhere
I'm lost
Things just happened too fast
The bad things, they weren't supposed to last
this long.
Now I look around, I see people that I know
but everyone else seems to be running the show
but me.
My mind is confused. I know things, I'm smart
But this great cacophony is reaching my heart
And it bleeds.
Where did I go and when and why?
Is this just life passing me by?
As usual?
I don't recognise me or my life
I'm a mother, grandmother and wife
But how?
What happened to that adventurous girl
Who could drag race cars and make a baton twirl
in a parade?
I suppose she dissolved a little every year
As she grew older and contracted fear
of time.
I miss her so very much
I want to come off the line and pop a clutch
again.
But if I stand right here and look
at what time gave and what time took
of me,
I do not recognise myself
but I can see a certain wealth
that's mine.
While that used-to-be me I know
flew like dust in a wind blow
across time,
Unknown to me I was replaced
as the used-to-be me was erased
from the future.
I simply did not realize
that I was disappearing before my eyes
until now.
As I take into account all that I've aquired
while barely understanding what I aspired
to be,
I have to admit it inspires awe
for a person who never saw
herself a winner.
An adventurous girl tasting life
didn't accidently become the wife
of Paul.
God had it all planned before
He knew all that was in store
for me.
He knew with the right man
A girl even without a plan
could win.
But I was surprised that I had to grow old
It frightened me and I tried to hold
on to youth.
If I look away from myself
put my pride upon the shelf
way back.
I will see all of God's blessings
And give up all this wrestling
with time.
My wealth of family and friends
will more than make amends
for my losses.
While I haven't become content
with the woman I am meant
to be now,
I can see where losing myself
can bring a greater wealth
than youth.
God will define me
And he will aline me
As I am now.










Poetry by Phyllis J. Rhodes
Read 658 times
Written on 2008-09-27 at 01:53

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you may be sometimes lost like us all but we can be found, you can still do all these things and have fun in your mind that is why you are a writer to thrill us with all these adventurous things.
2008-11-11


maxmedo
why is my comment not showing Adrian???


~Max
2008-09-27


maxmedo
"With the right man even a girl without plan, a girl could win" i believe god already knows people that we will meet and i think if we are good people we will always be meeting good people, you know you are very rich very rich, imagine how much worth are your kids, husband sisters family and everybody you know !!! I'm rich too,, welcome to the richworld, he true rich world that wont ever go away!!

~Max
2008-09-27


Kathy Lockhart
a self examining poem written beautifully with so much emotion. I cannot figure out where I went or was I really me then as I am really me now. It is much as you explained to me the other day out in your backyard while we tended and enjoyed our grandchildren. We are many things and many things are us. One us. So as our outside ages so do the physical things about us as well as the emotional and mental too. But we still see ourselves as we always were. And getting used to bodies that belong on our mother's or someone elses mother is really hard to do. Just know you are in good company. I believe that love is round just like the wedding ring. Love is round and if we are round we are love. Yes, that's the ticket! We are full of love. : )
2008-09-27