I dream of silence, at the bottom of this body of water. Except from the wind in the leaves of this hollow tree Iím leaning against, there is not a sound. The breath of the sky makes wrinkles on the water, and my reflection is obscured.
I look up at the horizon, nothing but trees. There the darkness awaits me, on the other side of this wetness. Everything shatters, falls apart. There is barely a beat in my heart and nothing else matters. The sun dances upon my face, and I am ashamed, it doesnít know. This life I hold in my hand crumbles and falls into the dark. It takes time to get it right, takes no time to get it wrong. And I wonder when I chose this path Iím moving on.
The wind brings the scent of freedom, the smell of childhood summer days spent in the sun. I smile for the first time today, a crooked smile that shouldnít be. To be honest, it shouldnít be there at all. The little girl inside me builds a sandcastle besides me her brown curls swings with every movement. I canít stand looking at her but donít want her to leave. The words leave my mouth with a chill. I'm a war, of head versus heart, and it's always this way. My head is weak and my heart always speaks before I know what it will say. Sheís gone now.
I look at my hands, something has changed, and I lean down. I reach for the cleansing cool water. It doesnít come off. I breathe in without my lungs inflating, and my legs fail me. The sand feels damp and rough against my skin, I welcome it. Look up at the sky, its reflection was so grey where it met the edge of the lake, and now the sun hides. Though the night has fallen, I close my eyes and imagine a tiny glimmer flickering on the horizon. I can't believe I didn't see the ground was caving in, and now itís too late. The lines of this lake feel like the Berlin wall, and there is no doubt about which side I am on.
The lake has changed from a calm tranquility into a roaring sea trying to engulf me. In this sandstorm mixed with tears, the trees lift off from their roots. Like a big black hole, the lake swallows it all. I wish I could jump in and end it all, but a life is still a life, and Iím not willing to give mine up just yet.
Short story by Natalie
Read 343 times
Written on 2009-03-30 at 10:45
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