Fuck is a really bad word if you´re a mormon

Underneath the wooden stairs I used to say bad words

No you can´t say fuck

No you can´t say feck either! 

You´re such a retard my sister sighed

Telling a lie was also really bad if you were five

Hell was nothing, you could end up in much worse places

I knew there could be nothing worse than nothing

No way would I be caught telling a lie, even when my brother tricked me into believing I was invisible and I tested it by walking around naked

Going around naked in our house was of course totally unacceptable 

So I never told them that I was in fact truly invisible

Terry Mc Dermott used to be my hero

He had a fantastic mustache and played for Liverpool

And I used to kiss his hairy lips above my bed every time I felt bad

Terry was my everything, even after I discovered that it hadn´t actually been Terry but this other dude on that poster

My mother used to worry about me a lot

After church she liked to update everyone on my last misbehaviour

Kayla, my older sister, was close to perfect

Even after she got herself pregnant with a missionary who´s name was Elvis

Young missionaries used to love to come to our house for dinner on Sundays

On some Sundays we could be close to twenty people  by the dinner table

Uncle Edward was the main reason for our popularity I think, he used to end every food-blessing with a loud fart

Certain jerks and assholes will always appear in ones childhood

Reappearing at school reunions disfigured after plastic surgeries

Yearning for anyone's approval so that they can formally stop being known as the jerk and the asshole

On such an occasion I ran into a guy who used to be known as Tommy

Under the knife of some skilled surgeon he had transformed into Tammy

Tammy was a brilliant name change I told him, and I just knew that this person may never have believed in nothingness

Later in life I came to discover that my own fear of nothingness had vanished

On occasions I still say fuck without the e

Underneath almost every believed truth lies a little lie

Don´t misunderstand now and think that everything told above are lies, they´re not, and being invisible as I am I wrote this piece completely naked in my backyard.