All I got to say, I really worked hard for it.
Here I am, I've been betrayed by life, my essence, and by my loved ones. I was mistaken, I really was. Most likely, whatever came about, how much ever bad it was, had to take place someday and I feel unlucky it happened, but somewhere inside, I am glad that it's over now. I am suffering, suffering very ghastly. But, there's nothing I can do except, face it. I might not be able to do it I fear, but deep inside there's something that says, I can. Maybe it's just my conscience to what I don't believe; however, I'm happy, it exists inside me to give me faith and conviction to do something, I don't trust myself I can do. It motivates me and I'm grateful to it for being there within me at times of glee-misery, times of catch-22 and times of distress, loneliness, and hopelessness.
I'd once thought all the upcoming days would be fascinating to live, but it turned the other way round. Until now, pain is all that I've got and nothing more. I've been punished brutally by the hands of time. Dawn arrives in the hope of a change, but now it's almost over, and I see nothing. Dusk is taking over, I sit watching the mighty sun making its way into the horizon, proudly waving goodbye. "Oh! No..." I realize another day will soon pass by. I close my eyes, pleading to Almighty "Please, you've been everything and nothing to me, help me! You're the only one I know and trust".
They say, "An ending leads to a new beginning." I wonder, looking at the beautiful, colourful blooming flowers in my garden, "Will there be a new beginning to my life?" Laying on my bed peeping through the window, looking at the black sky with the shining moon and twinkling stars gazing at me, I'd been searching for my answer when all of a sudden, the Creator poured rain all over. It seemed, he didn't want to see my cold, grumpy face, perhaps he wanted a smile that I actually couldn't fake. This is not the first time He's done this to me. I've had many hard moments in life than the good ones, and I know I'll never be able to wipe them off the pages of my memories.
I calm myself down thinking, "Life is a mixture of happiness and sorrows", and I know it's short, but the song of the clock "tick-tick-tick" reminds me that life for me is even shorter. I pray to Him to listen to my prayers. I don't know if I am fortunate enough, but I am waiting, waiting in the hope that I will see her, the only one I remember the last time before my last thirty nine hours pass by, before it's too late and before I make my way into the land of the dead. I'm sick of life, and I'm sick of love. I'm tired of staying here, in this hospital bed since fortnight of my accident after which I lost my past, my memory.
Words by Ashik Rajak
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Written on 2010-06-12 at 13:24
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