Spinning

We move alone in space
spinning at thousands of kilometers per hour
through space

Bickering among ourselves
bickering becoming fights
becoming wars
becoming destruction

Bickering over those things we should share
selfishly keeping and claiming rights to things
that were meant for us all
that we all can improve together
better than alone

Bickering over names and definitions
words that are merely approximations to things and thoughts
we attempt to describe
things and thoughts
that could very well be smaller pieces of a greater puzzle
of which we can only view through our fallible senses
reality

When the only thing we really can know
is that it is truly a mystery
that we understand anything at all

We spin alone in space
together








Poetry by SecretWords The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 719 times
Written on 2012-05-18 at 03:39

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Eli The PoetBay support member heart!
The only part I would change is in the fifth line of the fourth stanza; "could very well be" into "are". It's like you're being cautious or indirect in order to offer an objective opinion, which, although valid in its place, is - in this case - not really what your heart wants to say. I encounter similar circumstances with my own writing; that fine line perhaps, between being too bold or too reserved. I suspect you may have even deliberated this section of the poem yourself.

Besides all that, thank you - your writing always extends my vision. : )

Language: 4
Format: 5
Mood: 5
Overall: 4
2012-05-18