Banishing the Sky

your eyes
multiple skies
varying shades
of stormy

a green, a gray
a brownish hue
black, oh yes
but never blue
above endless horizons

my earth
is sore,
i'll flood
no more.
remove your sky
from my shore

Poetry by StillHoppin The PoetBay support member heart!
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Written on 2013-03-15 at 02:04

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This is powerful, especially those final two lines. It leaves a lasting effect on the reader.

This brings to mind a scene, a story, a reaction, I can see it playing out, but I wonder if what I am imagining is anything like what you intended. That is the beauty of such poetry, it is wide-open to interpretation. I love the rhymes, they add without making it sing-song. I like the format, too. Nicely done, Hoppin. Amazing that so few words can convey so much.

This reminds me of 3D posters, where you have to stare at the image for a long time before the image snaps into focus (know what I'm talking about?). This seemed very obscure, impenetrable, then suddenly it became clear. Truly one of the joys of poetry is having an image suddenly come clear.
2013-03-15 Moods The PoetBay support member heart!
I feel a bit of a fool because this has rendered me speechless and it's too beautifully written to not say anything! So here goes, I'll do my best: I like it all obviously but the ending four lines finishes the whole off so vividly and so perfectly in my mind. "Banishing the sky", "varying shades of stormy", I also like very much. Though what is expressed is sad, there is also a feeling of liberation that I get from the story that forms in my mind with the words and the images they conjure. Seriously good poem. I look forward to your next to come :)