Any thoughts on improvement (or suggestions that I simply toss it, lol) are more than welcome. Thanks! :)


Excavation


dashed pottery dreams
carefully unearthed

with broken flinty tips
of anger's arrows

and tattered fragments:
scraps of joy

lie with bleached bones
of life itself

language
indecipherable
yet
clear

they lived -
and they lived here.












Poetry by StillHoppin The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 559 times
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Written on 2013-03-23 at 00:32

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Bittersweet is the unearthing. Still, there is something strong in the acknowledgment of these lives... It was worth it, broken dreams and all.
2013-04-11


F.i.in.e Moods The PoetBay support member heart!
Mais non, no question about tossing it :p I don't have any suggestions for improvements because I can't see that your text needs them.

Felt like I was taken on an archeological dig and remnants of an ancient civilization were unearthed and observed. I found the way it's written descriptive, giving me the feeling that for each piece I was personally involved in the discovery process. The descriptions with words like "dreams", "anger", and "joys" for me provided the human touch associated with the objects. Also, the line "and they lived here" reinforced that the objects aren't just objects; they were part of a life. A life that is no longer, but that has left behind these pieces which exact the only proof of their having ever existed. Provokes thoughts on life and our mortality, for me.

That's what I got from it and I thought it was excellently written, of course. It's also a subject that I find fascinating :)
2013-03-25


Commentally Ill
there's an excavation going on in my backyard as we speak. wonder if they'll buy that it was a tribe of poets who lived exclusively in my yard hundreds of years ago. no? well, excuse me then, i need to go pack. ;)
2013-03-25


NicholasG
Don't touch a thing. This poem is brilliant! Wrenching the past from the undercurrents of quicksand.
I enjoyed this one.
Thanks.
2013-03-24


shells
In so few words you have managed to convey beautifully the circle of life, in those final words "they lived and they lived here."
2013-03-24



Strong analogy that you sustain from beginning to end. Whenever I visit some of these archeology sites, I find myself wondering about the people who left behind all those arrowheads and pottery. What were they like; did they leave any ancestors; what were their stories.

William
2013-03-24


Editorial Team The PoetBay support member heart!
This text has been chosen to be featured on the front page of PoetBay. Thank you for posting it on our poetry web site.
2013-03-24


josephus The PoetBay support member heart!
Well written and with a strong sense of evocation to the spirits. This reminds me of "Ozymandias"

Joe
2013-03-23


Ferenc Inigo Beck
Well done! Again! This one has the "Feel" of Omar Khayyam.
2013-03-23


countryfog
This is rather like music - your opening stanza states (beautifully) the theme, the following stanzas are variations on that theme . . . and the whole is wholly captivating and, as good poems do, leads one to relate it to one's own experience and sensibility. I think that part of why we write is just this - to leave something not only for the moment but for those who we cannot know but want to know of us, to say that we were here.
2013-03-23



Nice, it makes it seem we who scribble at words today are part of a continuum, part of something with worth and value.
2013-03-23


John Ashleigh The PoetBay support member heart!
I found this very powerful and skillfully fashioned. You should be proud. Thankyou for sharing this with us. *applaud*

Regards,
John.
2013-03-23