ramblings

how can it be that I, Kathy Lockhart, being 53 years old, am in such a transitional stage in my life. could it be divorcing after 32 years of marriage. would it be so if not for the "jumping off the cliff" episode of last year. How is it that I, me, Kathy Ann, lives in this body that belongs to my mother? What happened when my childhood stopped my adulthood began and then......my childhood was reborn in an odd sort of way? Maybe I'm not 5 or 10 but perhaps I am 15 or 17. i could possibly be 19. Yes, I think I like 19. But when I was 19, i was mixed up just like I am now. No, I don't think I want to be 19, but I probably am. I long to be 9 just 9. Free thinking, I ride on freedom's wings as I open my arms wide, throw my head back, and suck in life! Purity at its best. No games of what I should be, but delight in who I am. People's judgements mean nothing at 9. Who cares. The ignorance of such a limited, pigeoned holed, act is bliss. Running barefoot through the streets, laughing with my friends, caring or not knowing anything about the world outside of my small neighborhood or family, is exhilaratiing and liberating! Oh Glorious 9. I love you.



Words by Kathy Lockhart
Read 884 times
Written on 2006-04-08 at 16:30

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Phyllis J. Rhodes
I know this feeling well. Aging is a such a surprise. How quickly it comes. It doesn't fit with your mind or attitude. So you become unfamiliar with yourself. That nine year old had everything necessary for a happy life. It had nothing to do with financial or social status. You didn't live in a big home. You didn't have lots of clothes. You didn't have toys all around. You had a large family living in a little house on a street with other little houses. But you were so full of satisfaction. You had a place to sleep, food to eat, clothes to wear. None of it more than the bare minimum. But you didn't care. You were oblivious to judgement. You were a wild child, disheveled and completely satisfied with life. I know because I was there with you trying to deal with adolescence with a mess of a little sister to deal with at the same time. I had too soon lost what you had; complete freedom from worry about acceptence or self consciousness. Yes, 9 was a great time for you.
2009-12-28


Damon
How did I miss this one of yours my friend? I love it! I too sometimes ramble back through my lifetime and try to find a time that I would rather be---so far nothing better has shown up.
Great work here Kathy!
Damon
2009-12-24


Kathy Lockhart
I must still be rambling because I am sending myself messages. Oh, the reality of my sometimes and somewhat negligent brain.
2006-04-10


Kathy Lockhart
thanks again and again. It is good to express myself here. Nice to be amongst those who appreciate the creativity abundant in humankind which I believe all stems from our Creator.
2006-04-09


lastromantichero The PoetBay support member heart!
powerfully written a candid resume of life but i am sure now you will find peace amongst writings friends well done on your courage
2006-04-08