oh

i haven't 

felt 

the need

to have words

drip 

down the page 

in a while

~~~

confluence of bummers

to quote my dad

~~~

i was sky high on mozart and 

tetrameter, the thought of going

to the beach this weekend, of cold

piggies, of shirtless Colin, of

Marcy's short shorts, of Nathaniel's

kite, of Antoinette's pallor, of

good food, good company, laughing . . .

I was . . . it seems to have fallen

through . . . alas, alack and tough luck

~~~

a confluence

of sadness

~~~

Professor Eliot would not 

Be pleased with my emoting on

Paper, even if it comes in

Tetrameter, fa la, tra la

~~~

so

~~~

let's pretend this isn't a poem,

but a confession

~~~

father

forgive me for i have sinned

a whole lot, but 

this isn't about that. 

i will do my Hail Mary's

or

1000 sit-ups

later.

~~~

tell me, my child:

what's the buzz, tell me what's a happenin'

what's the buzz, tell me what's a happenin'

~~~

y shd u wnt 2 no?

~~~

it was like this

see

it was a friday night

a night like any other

the rain was coming down

hard

the city was dead on its feet

i was standing under a streetlight

trying to light my cigarette, see

there's dis dame, see, a blonde

a real looker

she comes up to me and says

you look like you could use a dry match, mister

she really knew how to talk

she used proper syntax and didn't confuse the issue

with too many pronouns

i had a feeling she was trouble

~~~

no trouble

~~~

it's two things:

i have a friend who is sad

and i'm sad about 

actually, i'm sad about three things:

• my friend is sad

• my feelings were hurt last night

  not intentionally

• because i had a vision:

as terri, the ojbect of my affection

was getting into bed last night

was slipping in between the sheets

and all thoughts were going soft and creamy

i had a vision of terri many years from now

living her life somewhere distant

and she was happy

and it made me sad because

i wasn't in the vision

~~~

to recap:

my friend is sad

my feelings were hurt 

i had a disturbing vision

~~~

time to count blessings

~~~

it was my friend's choice, she knew what she was doing

she trusts herself

she will come out the other side happier for it

it will take a little time

i am not as sensitive

as i used to be

the barb stings for a while

then fades

i'm not prescient

i don't know what's going to become of myself or terri

we might become 

one of those silly old couples you see at the movies

or at the grocery store

that have come to resemble each other and you hardly notice them

and you sure as hell

can't imagine them being luscious at one time

i mean luscious 

in a way you can't even imagine

~~~

plesase don't try

~~~

so, good things

i feel better

~~~

then, why do i sigh?

what's missing from this picture?

~~~

it's all too amorphous

~~~

too

down

the 

page

~~~

as for getting my feelings hurt

it was about

you know, lifesytle choices, as if it's a choice

it gets old

~~~

i mean

i mean

we're sittin' there

on the group w bench

~~~

no one cares, it's so old news

~~~

it's just a little depressing 

to have it pointed out to you

time and again

that you're something of a curiosity

~~~

but, you know what?

i get to sleep with terri tonight

and that makes up for just about everything

 ~~~

i have a pic here, of terri, i really, really want to post 

with this down-the-page-poem

but, i dare not 

~~~

references to:

Andrew Lloyd Weber, "Jesus Christ Superstar"

Arlo Gutherie, "Alices's Restaurant"

dad