First! :D and the word of my choice that rhymes with none is Undone:) I also want to thank a poetbayer that wishes to remain anonymous for the inspiration. Thank you




Come as you are(challenge)



Even the glaring light of high noon
Cannot burn me as I burn when I feel you oh so soon
We will be sitting under the moon
Ah the touch of the moon while the sea will be singing our tune
Oh tell me will you be my boon?
But do not sloppily drop my heart in the sea none
The wiser will I be I will become a bore
Silently wishing for more
Let’s become as one instead of undone






Poetry by night soul woman The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 367 times
Written on 2015-03-06 at 09:59

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The rhythm of the poem is disjointed, and if that was done intentionally to mimic the feeling of passion then in my opinion it falls short. It is a beautiful poem but I'm a nitpicker.
2015-03-10


Mick Bean
Cleverly put together, I enjoyed reading this
2015-03-06