~

i've been thinking of an image

better yet

something tangible

that would convey what's been on my mind

the balance, the shifting

between 

self and faith, how there is a shift

as one waxes

and the other wanes

surely this is obvious, i suspect

somewhere

in my dictionary of philosophy terms

there is a word for this shifting

personally

the shift favors faith, not that i have it

i don't

but my faith in self

to mix it up, is simply off the scale

to the negative

which leaves nothing but faith

even if it's nothing at all

long ago

i sorted out my metaphysical feelings

and never had cause

to stray

within the parameters

self and faith have shifted time and again

but faith

really is the wrong word

i've thought of it

as giving consciousness its full due

it is greater

than the sum of its parts

which leads to a kind of faith

since it's beyond

conscious control, or manipulation

it wins no matter what

no matter

how clever or deliberate or irrational 

it wins

which is way cool

and i give its full due graciously, with a laurel wreath on top

even a cherry

and i'm comfortable with it

far more so

than when self rears its cocky little head

its premature

little ejaculatory head, quick to come, quick to subside

i have no respect for self—

faith/consciousness

comes when you can't find the words

for what's before you

when something is greater

than the sum of its parts

nature for some, love or art for others

community

danger, an absence of (fill in the blank)

for me

it's a blank canvas

the canvas being potential

and then—the idea, the effort, the result

always

greater than the sum of its parts

without faith

that something would come of it

why bother

to begin, hence faith, a belief system

some call it god 

~