~

colin took marcy and me

up to chico last weekend to visit

his grandparents' farm

beautiful country, but dry

and everyone is scared half to death

of fire, and rightly so

we went up on saturday

marcy and i slept in the guest room

colin slept on the couch

on sunday colin's grandparents

were off to church 

they are baptists

and believe mightily

i asked if i could go along

it is a tiny congregation

in a tiny well kept and white painted country church

the sermon circled around the one thing that matters

being saved—born again

though the preacher was preaching to the choir

he preached on that and that alone

citing scripture and improvising with some grace and all sincerity

as if nothing else mattered

and i guess if all goes to hell 

than that's about right

hands were raised

prayers were said

~

i was the only newcomer

and the youngest by a generation or even two

at the end of the sermon 

the preacher welcomed me

and asked if i had been saved

his voice was friendly and concerned

i said no

he asked if i would come up

and praise jesus

and accept him as my lord and savior

i thought what the hell

when the pastor put his hand on my head

i felt something

i understand psychology pretty well

i know how these things work

but i felt something

and the tears started coming

the whole congregation prayed for me

i said i want to take jesus into my life

afterward

everyone said i was blessed

and i felt a burden

had been lifted from me

that i'd never have to worry about writing papers

or losing terri

or going hungry ever again

not that i've ever been hungry

and all in all it was pretty intense

~

it is good being saved

i can foist my problems on jesus

and eat chocolate cake til it comes out my ears

because i won't get fat

unless jesus wants me to get fat

and if he does 

there's not a damn thing i can do about it

and if jesus wants me

to find my north country girl

it will happen

and i hope he does because i sure as hell want to

and i think maybe it will

because i can almost taste her

and if it helps

i will praise jesus! til the cows come home

or i get her

whichever comes first

~