| Blossoms in a Basin
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2012-07-17
I applaud you on this poem...I'm half French/lived in Paris as a child and this write evokes memories...your attention to detail and consistency of ambiance/mood is laudable. What a drag it is getting old, eh?
Mel
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| Ziggy Years
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2012-06-11
Thumbs up!
Times have certainly changed since then...the only consistency in life is inconsistency..as have most of us Babyboomers. We've experienced an epoch in history like none other, a period of social enlightenment/awareness and a freedom of expression unparalled in modern civilization--especially in the mediums of music and literature! Write on!
Mel
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| Storm Warning
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2012-06-11
If I had more'n two thumbs they'd all be up!! Excellent work...except for the use of ALL CAPS at the left margin to begin each line, a common practice of a bygone era; no longer in use in contemporary poetry...except by the novice and the obstinate, who resist change (when the only consistency is inconsistency). As you're contemporary I implore you to consider my advice, otherwise your abundant talent will surely fall by the wayside of the road to recognition.
Mel
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| Fair Hair
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2012-05-25
Thumbs up!
Well-crafted! However, my only gripe is one shared with many other seasoned and talented poets the world over, namely the use of uppercase characters at the beginning of each line, left margin flush, in lieu of a lowercase character when continuing a sentence...it's an outmoded practice of a bygone epoch; in addition to unnecessary, distracting, unimaginative and dilettantish. It's an all-too-common mistake (sadly enough) prevalent among novice contemporary poets. Please accept my critique in the spirit it is intended, as constructive criticism--which I offer to those who demonstrate potential, as you clearly do. Pay it forward, spread the word.
Mel
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| Possibility
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2012-05-10
Thumbs up!
You definitely made a poem out of nuthin' but "possibility"...birds are particularly lovely creatures...however, you might've been more informative--e.g., by specifying which door the doves/tree were "outside" of--and polished (your diction was disjointed thru-out the poem, and it should've been written in past tense, thus:
"This morning I watched two doves
preening themselves and each other
in absorbed silence, on a low-limb
of the pine tree just outside my back door..."
...to create an immediate setting on which to build, while engendering a more "fluid" sentence). Beginning every line in caps is an outmoded practice. Otherwise, stylistic differences aside, I liked the subject matter and the sentiment. Focus on sentence structure/delivery.
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