F.i.in.e Moods

Again the short end of the stick

Is clobbing me upside the head

'Cause what's the use of doing this

For so much disrespect in return

So little joy, so little pleasure

It's starting to lack serious sense

- more Québec expressions... and a bit about our swear words... 

Pas pour être méchante, Chose,

Mais tu pètes plus haut que le trou

À une fréquence qui est constante.

Et bien franchement, c'est très plate.

Not to be mean, Chose,

But you 'fart higher than the hole' 

At a frequency that is constant.

And quite frankly, it's very boring.

C'est difficile d'expliquer à quel point

Mon cerveau veut se sauver quand t'es là.

J'arrive mal à supporter tes niaiseries,

Et d'après moi, je ne dois pas être la seule.

It's hard to explain to what extent

My brain wants to run away when you're here.

I can hardly bear your nonsense,

And my feeling is, I mustn't be the only one.

Je ne comprends pas très bien ce qui pousse

Les gens à devenir aussi socialement colon,

Mais au rythme que tu t'y prends, ce ne sera pas

Long avant que quelqu'un t'en crisse une bonne.

I don't quite understand what drives

People to become so socially idiotic,

But at the rate you're taking it on, it won't

Be long before someone really knocks you out.

[L1 - « Chose » :  It does mean 'thing' if we look at the word literally, but there's no equivalence in English for this expression (none that I know, anyway).  In this context it's employed as a name you give to someone when you're addressing them and you're not too happy with them.  The opposite of a term of endearment.]

[L2 - « tu pètes plus haut que le trou » :  I personally think this expression is self-explanatory, no?  I'm used to it, so maybe not... I've obviously literally translated that one 'cause there are no equivalents in English that I can find...]

[L10 - « colon » : It does mean 'colonist' if the word is taken literally, it can also mean the intestine's colon.  It's also a gentler substitute word to replace 'asshole', like 'darn' is to replace 'damn' - in that line.  An asshole who's a bit of a dolt too is the general view of a 'colon'.]

[L12 - « t'en crisse une bonne » : in this context, it means to punch someone really hard. 'Crisse' for emphasis that it won't be gentle, and 'une bonne' referring to a 'good' hard hit.

'Crisse' is a word derived from the church (a modification of the word Christ), as most of all our swear words are.

Here are a few examples : osti (host? - that thing which represents the divine's body and you're given by the priest to eat), câlisse (chalice), crisse (Christ), tabarnak (tabernacle), ciboire (ciborium?), sacrament (sacrement), etc. - instead of the actual proper church words.

These swear words can be used as a noun, a verb, an adjective, an adverb, etc all depending on the need.  I'd say people here have creative ways of stringing these swear words together in one exclamation. 

When my father was angry, he had the habit of blurting out the following : 

« Osti de câlisse de tabarnak de st-ciboire de crisse ! »  

It makes no sense at all, but the depth of emotion gets passed through very clearly.  I don't personally swear much, but once in a while, you know... ]

Google Translate version (always amusing how bad they are):

Not to be mean, Thing,

But you farts higher than the hole

At a frequency that is constant.

And frankly, it's very flat.

It's hard to explain how

My brain wants to run away when you're here.

I can hardly bear your silliness,

And in my opinion, I should not be the only one.

I don't quite understand what grows

People to become also socially colonists,

But at the rate you go about it, it won't be

Not long before someone yells at you.

I dream of a world where

Politics are reasonable

And always for the good.

A world where religion

Is kept as a private affair

And no one ever has to know.

A world where sexuality

Is no one's business at all

And isn't a topic in debate.

A world where differing views

Can actually get along together

And stop this "I'm offended" fest,

Or "You must believe what I do"

Militancy that grabs a minority

And affects the wider majority.

But that's a very tall order... 

- I never translate others' poetry... but to me this particular poem by Verlaine is pretty straightforward in language without much allusive or metaphorical style... so I rendered it in English for the fun of it (obviously losing the rhyming scheme).  Here's the non-poésie version, I guess... I don't know if it belongs along the translations which have been offered already 'cause my approach might be more literal... 'cause, you know, I'm not a poet and all that stuff... but as a francophone, I thought I'd share my perspective :) ... 

Il pleure dans mon cœur

Comme il pleut sur la ville ;

Quelle est cette langueur

Qui pénètre mon cœur ?

Tears are flowing in my heart

As how it rains over the city;

What is this languidness

Which enters my heart?

Ô bruit doux de la pluie

Par terre et sur les toits !

Pour un cœur qui s’ennuie,

Ô le chant de la pluie !

O soft drumming of the rain

On the ground and on the roofs!

For a heart taken by tedium,

O the song of the rain!

Il pleure sans raison

Dans ce cœur qui s’écœure.

Quoi ! nulle trahison ?…

Ce deuil est sans raison.

Tears come without a reason

In this heart which gets disgusted.

What!  no betrayals whatsoever?...

This mourning is senseless.

C’est bien la pire peine

De ne savoir pourquoi

Sans amour et sans haine

Mon cœur a tant de peine !

It is indeed the worst sorrow

To not know why

Without love and without hate

My heart has so much sadness!

- the message's heading says "presidential" 'cause my government is obviously using an app from the States...

I'm really disliking these governmental alerts

That come through on my phone, against my will

One day, this program appeared on my phone

And there is no way to remove it, that I can find

Yesterday, we received one of these phone alerts

Sounding the alarm of an extreme weather event

That will be happening in my "mobile coverage" area

And I should find cover somewhere if things get bad

The first thing that struck me as blindingly stupid

Is the "mobile coverage" area non-information given

It was absolutely alarming to not know specifics

'Cause tornadoes aren't events we ever deal with

That coverage area can be very near, or very far

How on earth is this message meant to be helpful?

I loathe this new wave of giving information that

Is anything but helpful information for anyone

Thanks, Gov.  More anxiety is what I need, for sure.

** the tornado happened in Mascouche, Québec... some 3hrs away from where I live.

- someone I met on the streets... five years after the both of us had been on the streets, we crossed paths again on the city bus one day... he explained that in those years, he had run away from his family while in a psychotic episode (which led him on a drugs bender), and he disappeared for 2 years... his father never gave up looking for him... he looked very well and he said his life was back in order... I have always been very fond of Louis... here's about when we met and our experience in those days... 

It was a quiet evening.  No one was

Making a spectacle of themselves

From being too hard up wasted,

And no break-up dramas either on

The stairs by the Parc de l'artillerie,

The usual spot where the kids were.

She was sitting there, on her own,

Quietly thinking and observing,

When suddenly, from the other

Direction of where she was looking,

This guy sat right by her, his leg and

Side touching hers.  He leaned in,

And hand extended, said the following:

"Hi.  My name is Louis.  Is there any

Part of your past history that you

Would like to relate to me?", with the

Most earnest expression on his face.

Startled, looking in the deepest blue eyes,

She smiled, shook his hand, and told

Him her name while replying that she

Really couldn't see what he could find

Interesting about the parts of her history.

His eyes brightened, his face gleamed,

And he gave her the most beautiful smile.

All the while, she was silently reflecting

To herself about the possible reasons

Why this obviously French-speaking guy

Engaged in conversation in English first.

It didn't make much sense, but their

Conversation was pleasantly amusing.

They'd never seen one another before then,

And for her part, Louis' entrance was memorable,

No doubt about it, but it's him that was the most.

What an unforgettable character!  What a mind!

They must have carried on talking for at least 4hrs.

From that night, they'd cross paths again and again.

It's with time, and from one time to the next,

That she'd find him in many different states.

This made her realize that he was a guy with a

Lot of troubles, perhaps too big for him to handle, 

All of which were affecting his ability to live

As expected in an unforgiving societal structure.

Sometimes, she'd find him searching through the

Blades of grass at the top of the Portes St-Jean,

On all fours, thoroughly moving aside each blade

To have a closer look at the ground.  He'd do it

For hours.  The first time she saw him do that,

She naturally asked him what he was looking for.

Again, those deep blue eyes looking into hers,

He'd say:  "Sometimes, people drop their drugs

Here.  And sometimes, I'm really lucky to find

Them.  And now I really need to find some!"

He looked so desperate, it broke her heart.

There was nothing she could do to distract him.

Sometimes, she'd find him in a dire state

Of uncleanliness, obviously from having

Been out on the streets for a very long time.

In the middle of winter, his fingernails and

Hands black, in evident need of a wash.

Still, he was always his smiling and gentle self.

Other times, she'd find him completely off

His face, in his own little world, not making

Much sense.  The contrast of the person she

Met that night, and the progression of his

Decline in the months, alarmed her to no end.

She'd ask if she could help, and he'd ask why?

This went on a couple years.  Every time they'd

Cross paths, she'd stop to have a chat with him,

Whatever state he happened to be at the time.

Her heart went out to him with much affection,

'Cause he was clearly a remarkably smart guy,

Aside being a charming and endearing soul.

To this day, she thinks about him,

Hoping he's well and happy now.

- sorry, this is boring as all hell, I know... I'm difficultly trying to deal... 

I suppose I should be feeling happy

That I finally got my first appointment

To begin the diagnostic process, which

Has been on hold since last November.

Because we have a shortage of doctors,

I was on waiting lists to see specialists.

But here we go, it'll be my turn on 7 July.

But all I'm feeling is a load of anxiety

'Cause my experiences are rarely fine,

And even though I'm prepared for it,

It nonetheless always rams into me

When doctors dismiss my concerns

'Cause they can't find anything wrong;

All the while, I'm in excrutiating pain.

It's noticeably worse in recent years

And I'm truly having a hard time of it,

'Cause although pain isn't unusual for me,

Not being able to move, stand up or walk

Is a new turn that is deeply concerning

For someone who has "nothing" wrong.

The frequency of incapacitation isn't nothing.

If the suspected diagnosis should reveal

Itself to be the issue, it'd make so much sense,

It'd explain so many weird things of my body.

Since these pains have followed me around

From childhood up to now, it also fits that

The foundational make up of how we hold

Together was defective from the beginning.

Our bodies are made of connective tissues

In every part, even in our blood, in our brain.

The condition is a degenerative one, and its

Deterioration usually begins to wreak havoc

For people in my age group, which is exactly

What these last 3 years have been feeling like.

My intuition is, this won't be getting better. 

But maybe, this specialist will be able to help

To slow down the decline which has been

Picking up momentum and disabling me.

So, I should be feeling happy, but I'm wracked

With a whole bunch of anxieties about what

To expect with this new health professional.

Will she be a total uncompassionate bitch?

Will she listen and not dismiss me?

Will I be told the same platitudes?

Will I be wasting energy and time again?

Or will I finally be able to obtain answers,

And an actual treatment plan to better live?

A friend suggested that I turn my anxieties

Into hopes for the best until proven otherwise.   

He's right.  I do try to be more positive about

These things, it's just with years being told

All standard tests return no abnormalities,

It becomes nervewracking having to convince 

The professionals that there's something wrong.

My character gets put into question as if I was

Malingering or exaggerating, just 'cause they're baffled.

Turns out if I do have this suspected diagnosis,

The "nothing" they kept finding would be explained:

They did tests that would never pick up the condition. 

Only a genetics test can confirm the diagnosis.

The condition is classed as rare, and most doctors

Don't really know about it, so won't think of it.

I'm still on the waiting list for the geneticist,

But the upcoming appointment's with a physiatrist.

I seriously have knots in my stomach about it all,

And hope that the experience won't be miserable.

I need a solution to better my body's deteriorating state.

I need pain relief 'cause this is starting to get too intense.

I want to believe the physiatrist will be able to help.

I'm a nervous wreck, I want to present my case properly.

I want to have hopes the whole process will lead somewhere.

I just want to be able to move, stand up or walk whenever.

the gun firmly pressed

against his temple, he sat there

and they walked in, smiled

asked him how

he was doing today

as if the obvious 

wasn't evident enough

one more minute, he thought

it's all it'll take to make his point

j'en arrache ces temps-ci

tellement de changements

et un paquet d'incertitudes

qu'on dirait que la descente

n'en arrivera jamais à sa fin

i'm struggling these days

so many changes

and a pack of uncertainties

that you'd say this descent

will never reach its end

il y a aussi une panoplie de soucis

qui au jour-le-jour grandissent

cette pression prend tant de place

qu'elle m'ensevellit complètement

et m'empêche de me mobiliser

there's also a mountain of worries

which grow day by day

it's pressure that takes a lot of room

it buries me completely

and prevents me from getting on

comme j'ai dit, j'en arrache pas mal

je ne sais pas comment je vais

m'y habituer, si j'y arriverai

je le vis très mal déjà les fois où

je me retrouve incapable de marcher

as I said, i'm really struggling

i don't know how I'll be getting

used to this, if i'll be able to 

i already live it very poorly the times

when I find myself unable to walk

si cela devait devenir norme quotidienne

j'ai juste le goût de pleurer à l'idée

que je serais encore plus dépendante

j'aimerais être plus forte pour

confronter cette éventualité possible

if this should become a daily norm

i only feel like crying at the thought

i'll be even more dependant

i'd like to be stronger to

confront this possible eventuality 

mais en ce moment

la force n'y ait pas

la tristesse et la frustration

me prennent fortement

et je dois admettre, j'ai peur

but at the moment

the strength isn't there

sadness and frustration

strongly take over me

and i must admit, i'm scared

The heart's so sore

Doesn't know where

It should throw itself

The pains of trauma

On an incessant loop

Unfixable brokenness

The blood's an obsession

Feeding the delusion

It's the only way to better

The interests are waning

As the madness carousel

Wants to start up its gears

The poisons' memories are

Master manipulators which

Trick the soul to go back

The hopes are a distant

Notion of a long ago time

And there's no escape

This life's nothing to want

Or care to carry through

'Cause enough is enough

The energy required to 

Make the best of impossible

Crushes all feebling resolve

But what I want, what I can

Do to permanently solve this

Will never be mine