F.i.in.e Moods

The intriguing part about

This situation you created

Is that you're the one who

Treated her like absolute crap

Yet now you're the insulted one

'Cause she called you out on it.

How does that even make sense?

One by one

They disappear

Without a word

All I'm left with

Are unresolvable

Hypotheticals

That go around

Without a possible

Exit to an answer

It's consuming

To never know

What this is about

- the quote is verbatim...

When I was studying Recording Arts,

My teacher used to say all of the time:

"Shit in.  Shit out."

To point out that technology is great,

But it doesn't perform miracles either.

Some twenty years ago, 

And I still hear him say it.

- yeah not much going on in my life at the moment... but I take any little happy that comes... 

It started late afternoon Friday

Our Internet went out

Again for the same problem

As it always is every time.

So we made the decision

To change our DSL service

And go with cable from here;

Bell's infrastructure's crap.

So enough was enough.

Hopefully cable will prove

To be our final resolution.

But now we have to wait;

Activation will only be possible

In seven to ten business days.

Fortunately, Internet returned Sunday;

Bell must've fixed it over the weekend.

We also replaced my laptop's

HD which died last January.

So been doing installations to

Rebuild my work environment.

(Also, transfer my music DB!

Finally!  I've been out so long

'Cause tablets aren't exactly

Very spacious little devices...)

Another exciting part about it

Is that our dev environment

Will be able to be directly

Accessed by all our computers.

(Oh yes, we also physically

Installed our external drive,

Our dev environment, into a 

Tower to protect it from damage!)

So no more headless servers,

Or software to remotely access

The main desktop of our system.

It's just simplified, normalized

All of our systems in one shot.

No more different OS's between

Each computer, we're all on the same;

No more fenagling to make things work!

So huge Yay's, 

We're very pleased.

We've been wanting to do

That for so very long.

So although it didn't start out

Too greatly, the weekend

Nonetheless yielded positive

Results, and that's always satisfying.

- service providers... more like annoyance and grief providers...

my ISP's DSL service is on our main telephone company's infrastructure... and that infrastructure keeps posing Internet access problems at my place (been out for 3 days now, waiting for ISP's tech tomorrow, but he's not the tel co's tech... more days expected sigh).

So I have to connect via Hot Spot to get on Internet, but that is from my phone's data plan. I don't have a big one 'cause I don't use my phone frequently to browse the net. So I had to call my cell phone provider to clarify my account's data usage stats, which didn't look correct at all, before continuing to Hot Spot ... sorry, rant...

Yes, yes. No need to keep
Reminding me about your
Amazing online services;
Quite aware of their existence.

Websites and online services
Aren't a new thing, why push
It to clients calling you?
They fffhm know it's there!

So it goes to reason that
The call's for something else.
And forty minutes of being told
About it is really annoying.

Considering the endless waiting,
There's no mistaking no one
Wishes to answer your call;
They want you to go online.

As if the client's being obstinate.
As if he, she really wants to spend
All this time attempting to make
Contact by way of a phone call.

My current circumstances?
No internet access at the moment.
Obviously didn't occur to them
That is a possible client reality.

So two days of attempts,
Ten minutes on hold and dropped,
Then 59 minutes with no answer.
Today, 30 minutes and got through.

Call me old-fashioned,
But that is hardly acceptable as
An approach to customer service.
With all the money they make,

This is nothing other than insulting.
If it were just one company like that...
But unfortunately, it's all of them!
And apparently, we're stuck with it?

* while on hold during that 59-min wait for nothing, and despite the recording on a loop telling me about them, I received a text from my cell phone provider telling me all about their online services to diminish my wait time... hm didn't impress me much, I can say... 

That smile

I'll do anything

To make it

Surface

That smile

It grabs my heart

Makes my face

Follow suit

That smile

It's the best treat

Always takes me

Away beyond here

More than words can express

À cause de toi,

J'ai eu l'occasion

De voir un autre

Jour plus d'une fois.

Because of you,

I've had the chance

To see another

Day more than once.

Tu ne sais pas

À quel point ta

Présence a souvent

Fait une différence.

You don't know

How much your

Presence has often

Made a difference.

Svp, ne doute

Jamais de ton

Importance.

Merci, mon ami.

Please, never

Doubt your

Importance.

Thank you, my friend.

I can't follow anymore,

But oh well, I guess.

I did the best I could.

I'll just go now.

character's perspective :  after eleven years of being free from all abused substances, a serious relapse happened, followed by a successful recovery started in November six years ago... the situation was a moment in time filled with enormous shame 'cause it wasn't as if the dire consequences were unknown...  and it happened anyway ... their thoughts on how it all unfurled... 

(- inspired by friends who are celebrating years of sobriety this month...)

The crazy logic of the moment

Was if I drank enough to poison
Myself, it'd be a way to kill
Myself without doing the act -
It's how far gone I was at the time.

So for long months, bottles of vodka
On a daily basis was my activity.
My desire to knock myself out,
To not feel, to not be aware

Became a rapidly derailing obsession

Which I indulged without hesitation.
It started with only a few sips a day,

Then a small bottle, but shortly after,

There were bigger bottles in my hand.
By the end, I was downing a litre plus

All to myself in a 12-hour period of time.
Very soon, it too wasn't a strong enough
Sensation - so much more was needed -
So my attention turned to chemicals
To provoke effacement to its last heights.

Ever so gone, a mixture of way too much,

It's to this day a surprise my warped idea

Didn't succeed in its ultimate goal.
Luckily, by the grace of God, I was able to
Come to my senses before it was too late:

I had to get myself clean again,
And this time, I'd never forget why.

- a little ramble in rhyme to pass the time and keep my head occupied... preceded by a load of unrelated blabla; sorry...

I'm on a serious loop of boredom lately... there's really nothing going on except the same every day:

I do my usual morning little routine where I sweep the floor area around the litter box; do the litter box and empty the wastebaskets; go to the bathroom; then wash teeth, hands, face, brush hair, or cover it all in a shower; start the kettle; feed the cats; do my first set of physio exercises of the day; take meds and supplement; do the dishes; and then sit on my bed with my drink and check all I need to check online (DB's, logs, emails)...

I do this routine to force myself to keep engaged and to move even though moving is quite problematic with the pains in my loose joints which haven't been doing too well in the last 2 years... it's worsened in the last year.  But that's it... day in, day out.  Some days I add appointments to get to or errands, which are also problematic 'cause then I have to add recovery time from the walking.  I hate to say it, but I'm completely emotionally and physically exhausted...

Every day consists of me spending it wholly alone here in my room finding ways to distract my time...  'cause, well, I can't do much that involves moving around, so I'm bound home... and I'm already so isolated...  there really isn't anyone around... it's one of the consequences of nearly 30 years of my issues with social phobias, agoraphobia, et al., I think... people tend to drift away after a while of no-contact... And now that my kids have gone to start off their independent lives last year, my space definitely feels heavily empty... And my douce moitié finally a legal resident in my country and able to work, he's out of the house a good portion of the day now to be at work... so there's a load more alone time for me lately... 

but I'm feeling like I have nothing interesting to talk about... case in point, I've just told you all that boring stuff up there, and I'm following it with a rhyming ditty about my recent acquisition of a new phone... the excitement is really too much ;) ... 

Of course I love technology.

However, its applications

Get on my nerves seriously...

There're the thoughtless implementations

Which create conflicts around practicality,

Or gimmicks to tie you in for infinity...

That part causes me serious misery,

So I avoid at all costs its implications

To ensure I retain as much of my sanity...

But of course the unfortunate day arrived finally

My Android 6's battery lost all negotiations;

Had to concede, time for the figurative cemetery...

My phone would work plugged in only

Which defeats the purpose of mobilisation

These neat little devices are designed to be...

So I had to embark on the reality

Of having to search for new options.

A few days of looking, along with anxiety...

It's the endless types of phones, deals, really;

Seems they'll think of every iteration

To make it as inconvenient as can be...

But Eureka! I found something for me

Which is the best suitable solution.

Here I find myself joining the iPhone family...

I'm still blown away at how so very pricey (!)

These gadgets are; hard to find justifications.

Mais voilà, I've finally entered this century...

Apparently.