F.i.in.e Moods

- my eldest son at 2 years old... he switched letters in some of his words as most toddlers do, he also switched between French and English, 'cause he didn't know yet that he was working with two languages... "fuck" is just a distortion of the word "truck", not that he ever heard the word "fuck" around him... other words he distorted also came out sounding exactly like swear words... in French, he'd say "crisser" (québécois swear) instead of "glisser" for sliding... 

« Un » = "a"

When the boy was a small child

He was fascinated by machinery

And every time he'd see a big vehicle

He'd excitedly cry out:  "Un big truck!"

The only problem is that when he

Said it, it came out as "Un big Fuck".

Then you'd hear his blushing mom say

"Yes, a big Truck.  It's a very big Truck".

- it's a bit peculiar too how their exasperation, irritation stemmed from their surprise at how a 7-year-old kid couldn't just accept what they were saying with the appropriate awe for the miracles they were explaining... I simply couldn't grasp how any of it was possible... that it's because he was the son of God was just weird...  

It isn't like I went out of my way

To irritate the church ladies as

A child, it's just they weren't ever

Giving me satisfactory answers

To my ever-growing questions I

Could never get clarified by them.

All they gave me was nonsense

I couldn't wrap my head around,

And their irritation cemented the

Feeling they had no clue themselves

What all of this was about, or why

They loved it so much and I should

Be feeling as much love for it too.  

It just didn't make any sense to me.

There were too many gaps and

My seven-year-old mind didn't

Like not understanding the whole.

It made me distrust this is anything

To be taken seriously, 'cause no

One had any explanations for it.

For any of it in its entirety, in fact.

The explanation is that there is none,

You must have faith it is 'cause they

Told you so.  I'm irritated with you,

But trust me, what I say is the truth,

Doesn't inspire anything positive.

It was never my intention to irritate,

But I just wanted to understand,

And their answers weren't cutting it.

Was it insolence?  Of course it wasn't.

I just wanted to better understand and

They weren't doing anything to help that.

Oy, dear mind,

There you are

At it again, you

Relentless fool.

You already know

It's no good for you

To take the hand

That'll lead to ruin.

You know too well

The results of that

Unfortunate path.

Stay clear, y'hear me?

Argh, for goodness sake!

Can't turn my back

On you for a minute,

Can I?  Stop it, already!

- m'brain is in French mode from writing loads of official communications lately... but all that literary French I've been writing made me want to loosen it up for a moment, so wrote this text in spoken Québécois... sorry, and good luck translation tools... I get a serious kick from the results...

ouin, ç'plutôt clair

que tu n'pourrais pas

t'en crisser plus que

comme dans l'an 40.

ouin, j'vois bien ç'qu'tu

fais-là, on dirait qu'tu't'

crois vraiment trop, mais

dans l'fond, t'sais rien.

ouin, on peut pas s'o'stiner

avec ç'qu'yé évident, là,

facque, continue d'me

traiter en cave, enwèye.

ouin, ç'pas fort, mais

c'est ça, j'y peux pas

grand-chose autre que

d'te r'garder aller...

ouin, ça m'fait rire.

l'bâton pourrait pas être

fourré plus creux, et un

nono, ç't'un nono ;

y'a rien à faire avec ça.

j'étais assise, paisiblement

dans mes pensées, quand

tout d'un coup, t'es sorti

de nulle part comme un

"bat out of hell" et tu m'as

fait sursauter en dehors de

mon pauvre petit corps...

rough translation...

- « Tellement inattendu » is "So Unexpected"...

I was sitting, peacefully

in my thoughts, when

all of sudden, you came out

of nowhere like a

"bat out of hell" and you made

me jump out of

my poor little body...

-  only know about it 'cause apparently this is newsworthy and everyone's talking about it on the Internet... what's being discussed about it is, oh I don't know, a lot of unrelated discussion points that make me go hm'kay...

Hm, yeah, he defended

His wife.  I suppose

That's something... hm.

But hold up a minute,

A knock in the face, on

A public stage, no less,

Hardly constitutes

An act of defense, no?

If he'd been my husband

Acting like a cromagnon

Like that, I wouldn't be

Flattered or honored, I'd

Be seriously embarrassed!

And then simply disgusted!

There's no part of me that

Would admire it in the least.

The discourse this moment

Has been generating is

Completely off-base.

About Black women being insulted

Publicly, or A man defending his

Wife's condition and honor, or A

Comedian being knowingly cruel...

What are they talking about?!

It's easy to put a spin on

Any situation, and oh, how

Humans love to do so...

But the reality of it,

The guy snapped,

And completely and

Totally inappropriately

Resorted to dominance.

Imposing his displeasure

About a comedian's words, he

Turned to physical aggression.

Is there ever a good time

To use this method in order

To resolve your unhappiness?

And that's the issue.  It doesn't

Matter what interpretations

Or reasons he might have had,

He lost it and assaulted someone.

There's no pride to be had in this

Nor any justifications to be found.

The reactions are mind-numbing,

The discussions not or ever on point,

It feels like a lot of people are losing

The plot on social matters & manners.

All excuses are good, apparently.

It's all very worrisome, in my view.

Come on

Go ahead

Kill me

Some more

Come on

Don't hold back

Give it your all

Finish me

Come on

Get on with it

Don't spare

All cruelty

Come on

Satisfy yourself

You know 

You want to

So Much Nothing

- perspective:  tant de rien en retour, cela laisse sa marque à un moment donné... ne sont pas mes pensées personnelles... elles appartiennent à un personnage...

perspective:  so much nothing in return, that leaves its mark after a while...

not my personal thoughts... they belong to a character...

Il y a très peu d'intérêt,

très peu d'appréciation,

très peu de plaisir,

c'est à se demander

pourquoi je me donne

autant de peine pour si peu.

There is very little interest,

very little appreciation,

very little pleasure,

one has to ask themselves

why one gives themselves

so much grief for so little.

Je les respecte, c'est certain,

mais ce sentiment n'est

que rarement réciproqué.

Il n'y a que moi qui est

toujours là pour eux et ils

ne s'en rendent pas compte.

I respect them, that's for sure,

but that feeling is

only rarely reciprocated.

There's only me who is

always there for them and they

don't realize it.

C'est le temps pour moi

de réévaluer mes priorités,

redéfinir mes attentes,

et conserver mon temps,

car de continuer ainsi

n'a aucun sens du tout.

It's time for me

to reevaluate my priorities,

redefine my expectations,

and conserve my time,

'cause to carry on like this

makes no sense at all.

Le très peu de tout est

assez pour convaincre

que le temps est venu

pour moi de choisir

une nouvelle direction.

Ils m'ont eu à l'usure,

The very little of everything is

enough to convince

that the time has come

for me to choose

a new direction.

They got me to get worn out,

en prenant tout ce qui me

restait pouvant passer

pour du bien dans la vie.

En plus, ils réussissent

à se sentir insultés quand

je ne suis plus capable

by taking everything that

was left able to pass

for some good in life.

To top it off, they manage

to feel insulted when

I can't do it anymore

ou si j'ose le mentionner

que ces actions sont 

notablement déplaisantes.

On ne peut jamais gagner

avec un monde si insouciant

et centré sur son nombril.

or if I dare to mention

that those actions are

notably unpleasant.

You can never win

with a world so unaware

and focused on its navel.

J'ai fait du mieux que je

pouvais, mais manifestement,

cela n'aura jamais été assez.

Ils m'ont eu à l'usure, tu vois,

ont pris tout ce qui restait

qu'il n'y a plus rien, c'est fini.

I did the best that I

could, but evidently,

that'd have never been enough.

They got me to get worn out, you see,

took everything which was remaining

that there's nothing left, it's done.

- taking my intentions out of why I wrote this, what do these words strike in mind for you? Anything?

think we're drifting apart further

from what it used to be about
for feelings, views have evolved
and the need has evidently shifted

think there's not much left
to expand upon, or to find

ways to explain or further
describe, it's all been covered

think it's best to not insist
when you find yourself here
it surely means something to
take into account, intuitions

think we should end this thinking
'cause it never leads us very far
perhaps it'll come back some day
'til then, gotta take it for what it is

There's blood here

Lots of it

No matter though

What's done is done

A relief

Will be soon

For me (at last)

For you (in time)

It's coming now

Slow, fast, for sure

All's okay

It'll be fine

It's been the wish

For countless years

And now is it

But don't be sad

There was no other

Possible outcome

Best to face the truth

Let it do its thing