F.i.in.e Moods

- diametrically opposed events of that day... 

On this day, early in the morning,

Is when my baby was ready to come

Into this world.  A little doubled

Over in contractions, I was sort of

Squatting next to the couch, looking

At the morning news, when appeared

Into view the first plane's crashing.

The announcers confused, speculating

An accident, but to my horrified eyes,

It looked way too precise for it to be true.

My thoughts began racing, my heart

Pumping, what world was my baby

Coming into?  What did it all mean?

And as time carried on, my labor

Obviously moving along, the second

Plane brought the removal of all

Doubt that the world had made a sudden

Shift.  I couldn't carry on following

The situation as I had to go to the

Hospital, but while there, I saw its effects.

On this day, you could feel that everyone

Around was mightily distracted, nervous,

Worried.  So distracted that, during my labor's

Progression, they managed to forget me.  When

They noticed, apologetic, they finally took care

Of my baby and I.  Luckily, my boy was born 

Without any complications - not too long after 

The second tower fell.  I know this 'cause radios were

On.  It was a most emotionally bizarre experience:

The happiest day barged into by violent retribution.

- quand le portrait présenté ne se détecte pas...

Peut-être qu'un jour,

et je l'espère,

j'arriverai à voir

ce que tu vois en moi...

rough translation...

- when the presented portrait is undetectable...

Maybe one day,

and I hope so,

I'll come to see

what you see in me...

Forget it.  I'm not

A writer - let alone

A poet!  Some think

When I say this, is

'Cause I'm being

Self-deprecating,

But that's not it. 

It's just a fact.

I don't know a thing

About writing...

It's done only

"By ear"; nothing

About knowledge

Being involved in

These lines I lay

Out on these pages.

So, to place me in

The same category

As those who know

What they're doing,

And have studied it

With a deep passion,

Just doesn't ring 

Anything right to me. 

That is all I mean.

The wish would be

To be able to say

That all is well,

And that I'm happy,

But, here we are,

Again, with everything

Plummeting out

Of control, it feels like.

As I reluctantly get

Pulled to where I don't

Want to be, I hang my

Head before you...

If you're detecting a slide
in my level of enthusiasm,
your impression is correct.

There does come a point
when one needs to weigh
how much grief is worth it.

The more it's analyzed,
the more it reveals that
all of it isn't for much.

Quite evidently,
the bother isn't there.
And mine is dwindling.

Sadly beginning

to think I understand

why no one could last it.

- ;) ... while figuring out the form (which I didn't find too obvious), these are the lines that came to me... 

I took a few days to mull it over

Still think it'll be tricky for good results!

So I tried this, and I even tried that

All sounded too gimmicky for good results!

A capricious little form this one is

One'd say, most finnicky for good results!

'Cause look at all I could manage so far

Poor thing's all clunky; not good results!

So, I, Ms. Moods, must concede defeat

Am too much of a rookie for good results!

- in-laws... 

The conversation started on the wrong foot for me

When she said, "I've been made to feel..."

Speaking to the both of us about how we're

Not involved enough with her unreasonable wishes.

I, a new member of the family, couldn't sit idly by,

And not instantly reply, "What do you mean you've

Been made to feel?", clearly not accepting we did

Anything to make it happen.  And that stunned her.

And she blubbered something to the effect that

It's just an expression I wouldn't understand

Because I'm French - it's something they say.

I don't know, "I've been made" implies strongly

That we did something to provoke an emotion,

And since she was complaining, the implication

Was obvious that she was dissatisfied we didn't

Jump through her hoops and loops to make her happy.

Clearly unsettled that I didn't sit idly by as she's used to,

I looked at her - and from what I'm told, my face 

Speaks volumes - and she did what she mustn't have done

In decades : she shut the hell up.  Not happy, but finally quiet.

- couldn't afford a 25$/month rent increase at renewal of my lease this July (ma douce moitié isn't allowed to work without a work permit, which has been stalling for 16 months now!) ... made an agreement understanding our circumstances... but now the owner sent a letter demanding 30$ extra on the rent for June to September (120$)... for electricity that is part of my rent... has always been for the last 16 years... grrrr... sorry, rant...

I so wish I could say

that I'm as happy as a lark

tiptoeing through the tulips

(as Tiny Tim once put it)

but it's sadly not true.

There's really nothing

this week that's making a

good, calm impression

on my stretched nerves.

It keeps coming.

Latest one, an unexpected

requirement of payment

for electricity at my place!

Apparently, due to an elevated

usage of ventilators, the terms of

my 16-year lease no longer stand!

What the hell?  In his notice,

he says it's in my terms.

It absolutely is not!

No mention of that anywhere...

Really don't know where he's pulling

that from, but it sure looks like his hm.

And this is after he already

knows about the out of our hands

situation with the bureaucratic

fiasco we're truly well stuck in, even

making an agreement with us for it.

And then he slaps this surprise gem!

Again, what the hell?

Another fight to take on.

At this point I just want to cry.

So exhausted,

Feeling invaded.

It's getting hard to find my center.

Mr. & Mrs. C. are going through a lot

so many hurdles to jump, so little peace

and plenty of stress born out of nonsense

they seemingly always run up against

It's so discouraging, disheartening

everything you can think of that's high stress

They're so tired, doing the right thing

constantly proves will never benefit them

They're not asking for much

'cause they really don't need much

But apparently, going by how it's going

their simple dreams aren't worthy enough

So, they wait, as they're forced to

while their ribs become more and more visible

'cause no one gives a flying rat's rump

to fix the mistakes they created for them!

Mr. & Mrs. C., they're hanging in there

but their faith more than dwindling now

Every step, a most unnecessary fight

filled with unspeakable frustrations

And you know what their dream is?

They just want to be home together

-  desfois c'est décourageant...

J'suis rendue au point

de baisser les bras

et de librement dire:

« Qu'est-ce que tu veux faire ? »

On changera pas le monde

aujourd'hui, ni demain. 

Bêtement dit, c'est pas

mal ça qui est ça...

Y'a personne

pour personne.

Alors, arrête de chigner,

c'est chacun pour soi.

Pas comme si

c'était une nouvelle.

rough translation...

- sometimes it's discouraging...

I'm at the point
of giving up

and freely saying:

"What do you want to do ?"

We won't change the world
today, nor tomorrow.

Crudely put, it pretty
much is what it is...

There's no one
for anyone.

So, stop your whining,
it's every man for himself.

Not like
it was news.