weirdzarun
Such a building tension with pure creamy conclusion! Fantastic. I love it.
2007-05-23

I know these feelings all to well. Its put together very nicely and has a great flow! You are a great writer!!!
Keep up the good work!
Thanks for posting this
Sally

Language: 5
Format: 5
Mood: 5
Overall: 5
2007-03-17

betsy
You have written about a topic that forever has kept the world turning and men guessing. You solved it well in the end.
Good rhymes, but your rhythm could be improved here and there ( count beats).
Your writing has potential and is worth the time going over and improving, I think.

betsy

Language: 4
Format: 3
Mood: 3
Overall: 4
2006-12-21

very deep aaron. it amazes me how you write so much and yet every poem is as good as the other. mine tend to get worse. you did a very good job on this.

Language: 5
Format: 5
Mood: 5
Overall: 5
2006-12-19

tony legba
Well, you have a mind that runs almost as fast as you do track, I guess. This produces some good lines and some others which enter the poem too easily: "A chance to revive the nearly insane." It doesn't have a rhyme...sits awkwardly with the rhymes
"flame"/"same". Something similar happens with the rhythm. At times, it has a wonderful ease to it--like the first four lines--great opening. Then it has awkward lines: "Each step forward progress in motion" ///u/uu/u"and "Each step reversed drowning in the ocean" ///u/uuu/u. The second line runs away. BUT, you carry through an idea well and this is THINKING poetry, I mean, you are using poetry to think through an idea rather than use poetry to hammer out an idea that you have. A little more drafting would make a better poem still.

Language: 4
Format: 4
Mood: 4
Overall: 4
2006-12-19

Kathy Lockhart
this has all great qualities Aaron from the rhythm, rhyme, and thought-provoking message well done!
2006-12-18

Teala
Ah-this sounds familiar-I know these feelings very well. Great poem, a lot to think about here.
2006-12-18