...its hard to let go of memories ... especially bittersweet ones...


Monologue

You do it to me every time
And my heart is abused by each blow
It's a hard one I take,
And you continue,
Indifferent,
And as much as I want to retaliate
It feels so good.
Why do you do it to me?
I sit here, crying and crying
You don't see the ways you treat me
Those subtle, affectionate ways
You tease me, you tease me
And I don't understand why you do this to me.

What have I done to deserve it?

Nothing, nothing at all
And you use me, you use me
So much
That I feel so worthless to myself.
You have to understand
That it's you
Who has brought me to this stage
Where I feel so insignificant
Knowing that I'm not the only one
Who fulfils your pleasures -
You've been feeding me
All this time
With your sensual ways and words
And I've been a fool,
A shameless fool,
All this time I've been so stupid -
How could you take me for anything else?
I'm laughing at myself now
What delirium you have brought me to
And I feel so giddy, so happy
I laugh through my tears
An insane high has hit me
And I realize the truth
I've been living it all this time
And you have been my lie.

You'll never know
How much I've fallen
Into like of you.

Do you treat her like your princess too?
Do you hold her hand and stroke it tenderly?
Do you look into her eyes
Do you play with her hair
Do you touch her
Do you kiss her
Do you make her laugh
Do you make her smile
Do you imitate her voice
Take her in your arms,
Hold on to her and never want to let go?

All these things
Have memories with me
And for a while,
I thought that they were special.
But now I know
That I'm not the only one
who's been receiving this treatment
And I feel jealous.
And I know why,
Exactly why,
And you know it too.

It's because of the way you hold my hand
And stroke it tenderly
The way you look into my eyes
The way you play with my hair
The places you touch me
The kisses you shower upon me
The way you make me laugh
The way you make me smile
When you imitate my voice,
Take me in your arms,
Hold onto me and refuse to let go -
And I stay,
Because I feel secure.

And I want to stay, for the time being
For you make me feel
A new kind of feeling
A feeling that I want to be with you
And only you.
And I know you want that too,
But you're letting your physical
Be a judge over the mental
And your decision is,
Ultimately,
The final one.
But whatever the end,
I just want you to know
That I have never felt
So used, so useless,
As I do now,
Every time I'm with you.



Poetry by Kel
Read 540 times
Written on 2006-05-08 at 03:09

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Zoya Zaidi
This is a very good write. Usually a long piece does get to distract your attention, in case there is even a tad bit of slakening in pace. But you manage to hold the interest of the reader till the end (very important in any work of art-hold attention), which is commendable.
And do you know why dear KEL?
It is because it comes from your heart!
Right?
((((hugs of compassion))))
Love, xxx, Zoya
2006-05-08


Amanda Manmohan
Whoa kel... this was a long one! It was excellent, not your usual style but you did it very well nonetheless. I especially love how you related the exact things that he did with her to the things he did with you. You fully expressed just how badly he made you feel. At least you got a good poem out of it :) take care.
2006-05-08