An apology


Mutually Assured Destruction

You fired first
I don't think you meant to
A hidden gun, you probably thought I would turn it against you

and you were right

The bullet fired from your trembling hands
Tore across the fabric of the illusion that was our domestic bliss
It ripped past my sternum and found a home in my heart

pain was blinding

I drew the closest weapon I could find, a gun shaped like two bottles of pills to end the pain
Two birds with one stone
I wanted to matter to you
I wanted you to remember my name

now it will be lost time

Still reeling
I wanted to pretend everything was ok
Stitch back the illusion of our life together
But some things can never be made whole again
I never was very good at knitting

you knew better, you were always more versed in pain than I

So we sat on the couch bleeding, delirious in the aftermath
We bled over starbucks coffee and board games
We bled over Overwatch and microphones
We bled over your bed with your small dog
We bled over sex we shouldn't have had
I needed to force the illusion
I needed you

but you needed to be alone

An impasse
The writing was on the wall
We both picked up arms to defend ourselves
I let bullets fly
"How could you have done this me"
You fired back
"You make me unhappy"
A grenade that dug shrapnel deep into my being
More and more we gathered our arsenal

regrets, overwhelming

I fixed you in the sights of my scope, sniper locked and loaded
I fired with reckless abandon, I needed to know my bullets landed
Obsession
Mania
Desire
You were broken even further
Eventually you waved a white flag
Smoke rising from the barrel, tears in my eyes
All I could see was red

blinded by a concept that you never loved me, were only using me

I found the little red button
Nukes launched at you that can never be taken back
When I woke up from my madness I could only survey the landscape in awe
Why did I even survive
I knew you were lost to me
Still I searched, wandering the wasteland
I hope to find your gravestone one day
Place this little note upon it and beg for forgiveness
But I don't even know if the marker still stands

sorry




Poetry by JuneCloud
Read 590 times
Written on 2018-04-19 at 01:33

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Elle The PoetBay support member heart!
Powerful and gripping read, thank you

Elle x
2018-04-20


Elle The PoetBay support member heart!
Powerful and gripping read, thank you

Elle x
2018-04-20


ken d williams The PoetBay support member heart!
Bravo! Well written, powerful, thought provoking. Welcome to poetbay.
Ken
2018-04-19



I find the "We bled" section especially strong and powerful. Welcome to PoetBay!
2018-04-19


Jamsbo Rockda The PoetBay support member heart!
You control the metaphor so well. After going through so much I hope there is solace to be found.
2018-04-19


one trick pony The PoetBay support member heart!
this is heart-rending—when things go wrong, they go terribly wrong, but compelling and vivid to read.
2018-04-19


josephus The PoetBay support member heart!
Whew! This is one high speed breakneck paced poem.powerful imagery that is used deftly with a fine hand throughout the piece. Well written and hopefully no from an experiential point of view.
2018-04-19