My letter by Maria Traykova traslated by Ann Wood
My letter to you, Christian!Hi Christian! I'm Milen!
I am writing to tell you some things that I would have said if I had survived and had the opportunity!
I am writing to you because I cannot speak! At the traffic light, waiting for the green light, it took me the opportunity to talk, to feel, to think, to fight, to love, to protect, to believe, to smile! And worst of all, it took me away from my loved ones and children! Well, now they can't hear me either! And they want to, but I'm still here and watching over them as I did before!
I lived with dignity and pride! I was a free and ordinary person, I had my mistakes, my stories, my past, my pride, and now I have no future, I do not have today! It's hard for me to put up with it! But I have no choice and will have to accept reality.
I am writing to tell you that I have made many new friends here with the same as my fate! Names, I will not tell you, because my day will not be over! And I don't have much time because I am in a hurry, I have a much-unfinished business that I have to figure out how to arrange!
So, I am writing to tell you that I was very ill. I felt the pain despite the adrenaline rush and the fear! I thought it would not last! I swallowed my tongue; my air stopped, my heart burst, my bones breaking like branches with the force of a blow! It was terrifying and ominous!
Waiting for the green light to relax, I could feel your impact with all its cruelty, weight, and power! And the sound was like a blast! It sounded every nook and cranny of my soul, and I had never heard a scarier sound until now!
It was scary! Remember?
How are you? Your mighty beast saved you, didn't it? I'm glad you're okay. And you and your companions.
What do you say, what have you experienced? Did you feel an adrenaline rush? Or maybe you didn't because you had overdosed before and failed?
You love extreme sensations, don't you? Me too! I also loved to walk in the mountains, spend time with my children, on excursions, in a tent at sea with friends and loved ones ... I loved nature, sometimes even loneliness, so I got rid of problems and put thoughts in my head!
What about you? As far as I understand, you are skilled in many things! You know the Mendeleian table, better than the chemist because you are an elite "soldier"! You may have another way of making your life happy!
I won't judge you, and it's your choice! But that choice of yours took my life, and that doesn't make you a hero! I didn't know you! You, you may have judged me from the plasma screen. I was there to work, to do what I love, to think, to dig, to seek justice, to find and fight for the truth, and the essential things. I was not afraid of either power or poverty ! Because, my dear Christian, debt is a material condition. Still, I prefer the lack of luxury and affluence, rather than lack of reason, feelings, conscience, and dignity! What do you think? Or is it hard for you to feel right now? Tell me, how can I help you?
I'll do it if I can!
You didn't think of me that holiday day!
But, since then, I have not stopped thinking about you! I wonder why? I think, do you realize you were wrong! Do you blame anyone for that? Do you see any gaps in your 22-year-old life destiny? Can you sleep soundly? Uhh ...
I sit and think about you because my conscience makes me cry! If I had caused it to you, I would have been set on fire! I would stand with you in unison and pray that you fight and open your eyes!
I wonder where you were while I was lying on the asphalt? What were you doing at that moment?
Did you think about me, or did you rush to cover the tracks of your medicine for happiness, worried?
You know, I was a good student, too. I had to work to help myself, but I was happy, life taught me to be responsible, hard, and combative! At your age, I was single, and I had friends, we were rebels! We talked uncensored, we were fearless and no one's money, they couldn't buy our voice, our dignity and our reason! What about you? Tell me about your values and rebellion? For what and against whom is it?
I am already a story; there is no future for me! But, you did not feel sorry for me. I am sorry for you! You and Ivan, Dragan, Petkan, Julian, and the rest of the girls and boys who get together to feel like, high, wanted, to be a VIP! For those like you who turn black every day, the families who have been chosen by you and your very are jejuminating!
I know you'll apologize and even fake it, but you'll be sorry! You will seek regret and forgiveness in court! You will swear that from today you will think and be sober! You will cry; there will be tears and promises loud! You will pray this nightmare is over!
You will go out someday! I hope it's not soon, not today, tomorrow, or the next day! No, this or the next year! I would like you to stay there until at least 50! But hardly, you are lucky when you go out, and you will have the right to rehabilitate! You will have the right to live! The right to laugh!
The right you took from me!
Because I have no right to see the blue sky, I cannot say goodbye to those I love, and I cannot speak, feel, and see!
Maria Traykova
Short story by Ann Wood
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Written on 2020-04-26 at 01:06
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