Amanda: An Inventory of Being
I am Amanda.I am seventeen years old.
Most people call me Apanda,
Which I can't say that I mind...
I'm hoping that it means that I'm cute,
and not that I'm a furry midget.
I always feel extremely short:
I'm only a couple of inches over five feet.
My eyes are dark and tend to be
downcast.
My unnaturally blue-black hair
falls like a curtain
to frame my too-round and too-serious face.
I hold my tongue in group conversations
and hate to speak about religion;
It's rude and no one ever agrees.
I'd rather be sleeping.
I love food
but I hate to eat.
Sometimes I just don't need it.
I'm already too full from my emotions.
I am the youngest of three,
The baby of my family.
Only within the past month
have I forgiven my father for all that he's done,
and only now do I understand
that life is too short to be angry all the time.
I'm allergic to milk,
but it doesn't bother me.
How can I miss something that I've never tasted?
Music is my main source of joy.
One of my main goals in life is to
conquer all of the instruments that I can.
Only then will I be complete.
I hate to see girls showing off their
bodies, to get noticed by boys who
don't care in the first place.
Pop culture makes me angry,
and so does the television,
but who else would I turn to
when I'm at my lowest
and I need a good laugh?
I think that the internet
rots our brains
but I still spend six hours on it
each and everyday.
Electricity frustrates me
and I only feel fully at peace
when the lights go out,
usually because the services in Trinidad
are worthless,
but I love them
for the few hours of silence they give me,
away from the rushing,
and away from technology.
I mistake wanting for needing
and yearning for love,
but this time, I swear,
it's as real as the
colour of my hair.
I hate religion for splitting people apart,
and for saying what is right
and what is wrong.
Homosexuality is beautiful
because it is love between two humans,
although in a form that most don't understand.
It is raw emotion that most of us could probably never feel.
I would be an anarchist,
if only I were brave enough.
I'll settle for being an individual.
I'll stay true to myself
and start a revolution with my music.
Rainy days make me want to get out
and see the world
in a different shade of gray.
I wish I were a fairy,
or a mermaid,
or an elf.
Their worlds always seemed so much more
interesting than this one.
Someday, I'll write a hundred concertos
with shrieking violins
and jazzy basslines.
This is the revolution:
The revelation of a hybrid, crafted by me.
I used to have an anger problem,
but now I just hate society.
Someday, I'll be a psychologist.
Hopefully my patients won't drive me insane,
But if they do, then so what?
It's a risk I'm willing to take.
Sooner than I think,
I'll be on my own but I'm not too scared.
I understand that there is a time for everything.
My time to be a child is almost over.
Clowns terrify me.
There is so much wrong
with someone constantly smiling
about absolutely nothing.
I hate math more than any person should.
Sure, it's a universal language,
but I was never one for traveling.
I know that no matter how bad things seem,
they can always get worse,
but I still find myself whining
about what I "need"
and who I "love."
I snap at those I care about,
because I know that they'll love me no matter what.
I laugh at everything,
even if all I want to do is
cry.
I think too much
and act on my desires too little.
I want to feel beautiful,
but sometimes I can't even look at myself.
My name is Amanda, and this is 2006.
Poetry by Amanda Manmohan
Read 1239 times
Written on 2006-06-21 at 01:33
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