Bender & Crew cannot contain their mania!
In vain, poor Richard threatens to crack crania.

You've pilfered the attire of Manilow.
Pray, tell me, Mr Vernon: does he know?

Allison hides her face behind her hair
Until a late-day makeover by Claire.

John fancies Claire, but tries to hide his biases
Behind a pic of scrotal elephantiasis.

Brian does physics, is both smart and duteous,
While Andrew duct-tapes some poor schmendrick's gluteus.

The kids tease Carl about "custodial arts,"
And rudely underestimate his smarts.

Girls' lungs cannot retain (oh no? indeed?)
The fragrant fumings of the loco weed.

Alison's fictive tales of lust, bald-faced,
Trick Claire into confessing that she's chaste.

JB's got varsity wrestling in his sights.
Quick! One lobotomy and a pair of tights!

Five-pound salami: just before revealing
The punchline, he comes crashing through the ceiling.