i lived happily unaware

until i happened 

to look up   something caught my eye

on the playground   the older kids

the sixth graders

i stepped out of myself

out of my second-grade obliviousness

i realized

i have a long way to go

since that moment i have been self-aware   

mindful   

and i curse that mindfulness   

longing to return to blissful oblivion   

leaving mindfulness to those with a taste for it

~

there was more to it   the way i looked at   

and felt

about   mary ann

that was a different kind of 

stepping out

the way she caught my eye   even then

it came slowly   the obliviousness

obscured it

until it didn't   becoming matter of fact

until later   when lynn and mary ann

became a taunt

little did they know how i lived for those words  

musical as they were

to my ears