Warning, kinda graphic.
Music: "The Summoning" by Sleep Token
feeling how they looked at me
"child-bearing hips"
"tummy pouch showing off my fertility"
and I felt proud.
One day I would be Mother
One day my body would bear life
I was just a teenager with a broken,
but loving mother,
a sick but intelligent and violently angry father
"do you have my genes?"
"you have your father's eyes"
thinking to myself
"All this brokenness stops with me"
"I will not be like my parents, for my future children"
Dreams and visions of
a loving husband
a happy, laughing girl with bouncing curls
"Fibroids" "polyps" "semen count" "motility" "anxiety" "BFRB"
Years of barren attempts condensed down into medical jargon
proof that my body is not what I was told
My mind still working through the trauma of a broken home
The loving husband came true
the other dreams fading to dust before I could even try to catch them
My body fails me as I failed it
My mind fails me as I failed it
So I'll dance in terror
I'll pray in anger
Waiting for painful and traumatizing biopsies in cold and sterile doctor's rooms
Waiting for results to tell me if my womb is good enough
to tell me if the growths are cancerous instead of life giving
to tell me if my womb should be removed
And still
Without my body's purpose
what is mine?
Poetry by SecretWords
Read 114 times
Editors' choice
Written on 2024-08-13 at 00:28
Tags Purpose Motherhood Infertility
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Music: "The Summoning" by Sleep Token
Biopsy
I was just a teenage looking in the mirror, dealing with my period,feeling how they looked at me
"child-bearing hips"
"tummy pouch showing off my fertility"
and I felt proud.
One day I would be Mother
One day my body would bear life
I was just a teenager with a broken,
but loving mother,
a sick but intelligent and violently angry father
"do you have my genes?"
"you have your father's eyes"
thinking to myself
"All this brokenness stops with me"
"I will not be like my parents, for my future children"
Dreams and visions of
a loving husband
a happy, laughing girl with bouncing curls
"Fibroids" "polyps" "semen count" "motility" "anxiety" "BFRB"
Years of barren attempts condensed down into medical jargon
proof that my body is not what I was told
My mind still working through the trauma of a broken home
The loving husband came true
the other dreams fading to dust before I could even try to catch them
My body fails me as I failed it
My mind fails me as I failed it
So I'll dance in terror
I'll pray in anger
Waiting for painful and traumatizing biopsies in cold and sterile doctor's rooms
Waiting for results to tell me if my womb is good enough
to tell me if the growths are cancerous instead of life giving
to tell me if my womb should be removed
And still
Without my body's purpose
what is mine?
Poetry by SecretWords
Read 114 times
Editors' choiceWritten on 2024-08-13 at 00:28
Tags Purpose Motherhood Infertility
Save as a bookmark (requires login) Write a comment (requires login) Send as email (requires login) Print text
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Editorial Team |
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Griffonner |
