just being faithful to someone makes the love go round.


FAITHFULNESS


In the times of great storm
When the clouds darkens the clear sky!

in the times that the path shrouded with smokes
Where we don't know where to go!

In the times that our visions
has been blurred by doubts and uncertainty!

In the times that faith remains
And nothing has been there!

In the times that love became a myth
And no one else was there!

Just look at the star
and and you feel that you are not alone!


JOEL A. BERNASOR



Poetry by joel
Read 737 times
Written on 2005-09-29 at 15:43

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chasingtheday The PoetBay support member heart!
in the second line, the word 'the' seems redundant, i think it would work better with it. also removing the s off 'darkens' too would help its flow.

in the third line you miss starting with a capital. also this line is all over the place, it needs a little work to get the meaning across clearer.

has been blurred - have been...

the message of the poem is good, but the poem itself needs editing somewhat.

please take the time to visit others who post in the site?
2005-09-29