Dedicated to my birthplace Queen of Hills, Darjeeling.


Oh Dear!


I woke up
to the melody of
pouring rain
and it was then
I realize,
the first chill
of winter
has sneaked in.
It was then
from miles away
I remember you
Oh dear!
And moments
spent in your lap,
playing, fighting,
from class bunking
walking, hands clasped
and with it
that treachery
then...
gambling, drinking,
burning lungs
with sticks.
And gifts
that you gave
because of which
I can now teach.
Oh dear!
My queen of hills.

Wangdi Gyalpo
20th September 06.




Poetry by Wangdi Gyalpo
Read 590 times
Written on 2006-11-16 at 02:57

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Individuality
I woke up
to the melody of
pouring rain
and it was then
I realize,
the first chill
of winter
has sneaked in.

here you are saying at the beginning that you woke up, past tense impression, so to say realize and has sneaked in, it is altering the tense to the present, i would suggest either changing woke to wake or realize to realized and has sneaked to had sneaked. the former going by the rest of the poem.

from class bunking
walking, hands clasped
maybe a comma after bunking?
2007-03-23


Kathy Lockhart
this is a beautiful piece of poetry. thanks for adding me as your writing friend. Welcome to PoetBay. kathy
2006-11-16