I wrote this in a time where I didn't feel like I was understood by anyone. i was in a very worthless state of mind. But I received a revelation and it became a simple form of venting my frustration in the end.
I destroy all that's around me.
I can't be bothered with simplicity.
I am willing to explain
The real concept, of people like me.
People like me
Have family who hate them,
Men that play them,
And friends that betray them.
I can't care for the little things,
Because I feel smallest of them all.
I have been chastised, criticized,
And downsized.
I put myself to death, then beg for mercy.
I brand myself in the name of self-expression.
I have a mark incised upon my skin
Which symbolizes someone who blissed me, missed me, and effortlessly dismissed me.
I cannot ask for someone to love me
For I do not love myself,
The contradictory figure of the one friend, enemy, problem, solution.
I build walls of truth
Because there is always room for protection
When you live on webs of lies.
It's too difficult to cure yourself with peace,
When you're more easily numbed by war.
I am the largest disappointment to my mother
But I will have her remember this,
There is a fine line between disappointment
And disgrace.
I am the largest disappointment to my father, because I was firstly disappointed
In him.
I am the largest disappointment to my sister,
Because when she looks at me she sees a
twisted version of herself.
I am the largest disappointment to my brother
Because when he looks at me he does not see
himself at all.
I disturb the natural balance of things,
Because I refuse to be unbalanced alone.
On the inside, where outsiders shoot with their eyes closed, I am lost,
Empty,
Alone,
Ugly.
We all need someone to blame.
We never bend for those we love,
But break them and dash out their halos.
Earth doesn't want me, and Heaven likes to watch.
I am cast with unacceptance, misunderstanding and scorn.
In this one life which perceived to be so normal.
I watch the people of my life, the accessories of my existence, come and go.
But I have now closed my eyes because
In the end, they always go.
They go and leave me behind.
We all need someone to blame,
We all need ME to blame.
In the petty confusion emanating from our open arms I cannot recall genuinity.
In faithless subservience I expose
My thoughts, my words, my soul,
And you,
The idea of you,
The memory of you,
A part of you,
Some of you,
All of you,
None of you,
Only one of you.
It is naïve to believe in spoken words
Because it is foolish to be comforted
In things that are hollow.
I can either wear my heart, or bury it alive
But instead I choose to slowly stifle its purpose.
I use this as an extension of myself,
Because I'm too coward to take any action.
I know exactly who I am,
What I am,
And the chaos that I cause.
I am the stranger, the familiar, the outcast, the cliché.
I am the sister, the daughter, the blessing,
The curse.
The ex-girlfriend, ex-member
With a demon in her iris, and an angel on her shoulder.
I am the guilty innocent, the loving hate,
The hurtless pain, the quiet noise, the untroublesome problem.
I will not let anyone destroy me,
I always take the liberty of destroying myself.
And it is MY self-destruction.
Poetry by Zane
Read 568 times
Written on 2006-11-20 at 17:18
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Self –Destruction
I destroy all that's around me.
I can't be bothered with simplicity.
I am willing to explain
The real concept, of people like me.
People like me
Have family who hate them,
Men that play them,
And friends that betray them.
I can't care for the little things,
Because I feel smallest of them all.
I have been chastised, criticized,
And downsized.
I put myself to death, then beg for mercy.
I brand myself in the name of self-expression.
I have a mark incised upon my skin
Which symbolizes someone who blissed me, missed me, and effortlessly dismissed me.
I cannot ask for someone to love me
For I do not love myself,
The contradictory figure of the one friend, enemy, problem, solution.
I build walls of truth
Because there is always room for protection
When you live on webs of lies.
It's too difficult to cure yourself with peace,
When you're more easily numbed by war.
I am the largest disappointment to my mother
But I will have her remember this,
There is a fine line between disappointment
And disgrace.
I am the largest disappointment to my father, because I was firstly disappointed
In him.
I am the largest disappointment to my sister,
Because when she looks at me she sees a
twisted version of herself.
I am the largest disappointment to my brother
Because when he looks at me he does not see
himself at all.
I disturb the natural balance of things,
Because I refuse to be unbalanced alone.
On the inside, where outsiders shoot with their eyes closed, I am lost,
Empty,
Alone,
Ugly.
We all need someone to blame.
We never bend for those we love,
But break them and dash out their halos.
Earth doesn't want me, and Heaven likes to watch.
I am cast with unacceptance, misunderstanding and scorn.
In this one life which perceived to be so normal.
I watch the people of my life, the accessories of my existence, come and go.
But I have now closed my eyes because
In the end, they always go.
They go and leave me behind.
We all need someone to blame,
We all need ME to blame.
In the petty confusion emanating from our open arms I cannot recall genuinity.
In faithless subservience I expose
My thoughts, my words, my soul,
And you,
The idea of you,
The memory of you,
A part of you,
Some of you,
All of you,
None of you,
Only one of you.
It is naïve to believe in spoken words
Because it is foolish to be comforted
In things that are hollow.
I can either wear my heart, or bury it alive
But instead I choose to slowly stifle its purpose.
I use this as an extension of myself,
Because I'm too coward to take any action.
I know exactly who I am,
What I am,
And the chaos that I cause.
I am the stranger, the familiar, the outcast, the cliché.
I am the sister, the daughter, the blessing,
The curse.
The ex-girlfriend, ex-member
With a demon in her iris, and an angel on her shoulder.
I am the guilty innocent, the loving hate,
The hurtless pain, the quiet noise, the untroublesome problem.
I will not let anyone destroy me,
I always take the liberty of destroying myself.
And it is MY self-destruction.
Poetry by Zane
Read 568 times
Written on 2006-11-20 at 17:18
Save as a bookmark (requires login) Write a comment (requires login) Send as email (requires login) Print text
