This poetry is based on reality. It happened with me just couple of weeks back. I dedicate this poetry to my beloved father-in-law who passed away few weeks back. May his soul rest in peace in Heaven. Amen!


He Laughed...

With swollen eyes
and ached heart
she calls...
calls her only solace,
her husband.
My love,
I am lonely
lonely and deserted.
Time came
and took my Pa away
away to the silent land.

Love, please come
come back to me.
Need your shoulder
to lean on
and to pour
all my love...
love for Pa.

Rivers flowing
spontaneously
through his cheeks
and mingling
into an ocean,
he says,
with half-choked voice,
Honey! I don't think
I can make it.
Examination is approaching,
can't leave students.
I don't think
leave will be granted.



She hung up.



Looking straight
into never ending sky
on his knees
and stretching arms,
he laughed...
laughed...
and
laughed...
letting his tongue
taste his brine
and asked...
What life is this?




Poetry by Wangdi Gyalpo
Read 538 times
Written on 2007-03-23 at 04:20

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Kathy Lockhart
this is a sweet, beautiful, emotive poem from your heart.
2007-03-23


Individuality
Time came
and took my Pa away
away to the silent land.

perhaps a comma after 'away' in the second line or the use of ellipses like you have done earlier in the poem after the word 'calls'? i would say the same with the next verse too with:

Love, please come
come back to me.

Need your shoulder
to lean on

maybe saying here 'I need...' as you are saying in your notes that it is personal and a dedication to your father-in-law.

Honey! I don't think
I can make it.

speechmarks would be good here. also at the end of the poem where he asked - 'What life is this?'

Language: 4
Format: 4
Mood: 4
Overall: 3
2007-03-23