to those we shouldn`t loose.. children



(it`s hard to write about something everyone writes about..)


The unseen playground

like a river
two kids playing

only the air can disturb..

and as the rain falls
the children run home

only the sun can repair..


the light shines so brightly
children are running free

only the water can wash away..

so here i stand, watching
so here we stand with fear

only we can stop..


lost within our selfish
lost within a dream

but our children keep on playing
in a playground, free

unseen..




Poetry by Cr4Ky
Read 515 times
Written on 2005-11-14 at 23:05

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John Ashleigh The PoetBay support member heart!
A good tone, and the structure is well laid out, only i think you should improve on your grammar and choice of words? - I find you have made the descriptions very simple - it feels like your first draft.

No offence intended, just making constructive critisism. :)
2005-11-14