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She runs down the steps to the underground station and as she reaches the ticket dispenser and starts fumbling, looking for her wallet, she can hear the train as it swoops down the tunnel towards her. It's sharp headlights hits her just as she looks up, ticket in hand, and suddenly she's pushed, squashed and swept along with the tide as people rush to get on.
She feels ill as she watches how people press onto the packed train as soon as the doors open, the way they can't wait untill people have gotten of disgusts her and they take her along, forcing her onto the train. As the doors close before her eyes she panics. People are too close, pressing against her senses, their too strong perfume and sweat fills her nostrils, their bodies presses against hers, their voices speaking words that she resents, too loud to close out.
Putting her hands against the window, her insides scream as the train lurches forward and the cold, empty and silent station quickly gets left behind. She realizes she has no idea where the train is going, she's certain it's not where she wants to go.

Suddenly people have found their places, sitting calmly, reading newspappers, entertaining their children, leaning against lovers, talking with friends. The rythmic sound as the train moves over the rails, driving it through the utter darkness of the tunnel, soothes her. She realizes she's the only one standing and quickly sits down, her gaze gliding around, looking at the people she resented a few seconds ago with envy.
Someone laughs and she shrinks into her seat, convinced they're laughing at her. Her logic makes her hate herself for it but her feelings are dominant and she stiffles a sob that comes out of no where. She turns to look out the window, hiding her face so she won't give them a chance to laugh at her tear filled eyes.
The train suddenly becomes quiet, silently gliding out of the tunnel into a too bright world with too green grass and too blue water. Waterfalls glitter everywhere around as they fall down into great still lakes far below. Her breath catches as she spots the mirror image of herself in the window, her skin is grey against the bright back ground, her eyes dull and lifeless.
Terrified of her own dullness she turns and runs for the doors and they open just as she reaches them, letting her out onto a station that seems to float in the air like a giant block of levitating marble. People are walking calmly across the platform to the only exit, a giant stairway leading up to a huge terrace. They're chatting idly, intelligently, calmly and it fills her with horror because they're ignoring her as she runs up the stairs. She thinks that to them she isn't worth noticing. She is inadequate.
She turn to the right into an alcove looking out over the landscape and the noise of the other passengers fades away behind her as she steps up on the marble railing, swaying in the wind as she looks down, wondering how long it would take to hit the grass below.
"It's pointless you know" someone says and she looks down to see a young, dull looking man seated next to her feet on the railing. Startled she almost falls of but he quickly reaches up and steadies her. "Be carefull or you'll loose your chance to jump"
"I didn't see you there" she finally lets out and he smiles sadly, replying: "You never do..."
She looks at him indignified and throws her hair back from her face "Are you going to try and convince me not to..."
"Never"
"Not going to pretend you care? Because you don't you know, no one does!"
"Nah, you're right I don't care, go ahead"
She wipes a tear away, the sound of the passengers behind makes itself reminded and she looks over her shoulder. They're all not looking at her and the horror comes again. She must get away from their non-seeing gazes, don't want them looking right through her anymore and so she steps into the air and falls, her eyes closed.
The wind sweeps past her face, singing in her ears for what feels like minutes before she opens her eyes to meet his. His arms close around her waist and hugs her tightly against him as his lips close to her ear, whispering "I don't care if you jump because I won't let you land" just before his body hits the water, shattering along with the waters surface.

And then he wakes up.




Short story by Karl-Johan
Read 625 times
Written on 2008-06-12 at 21:36

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