Dreamt

We dreamt and we would dream again
Drum beats of a final surge
Pounding, then to slowly wane.

Such are losers, yet with much to gain
S curves of stone that slowly merge
We dreamt and we would dream again

A mason's chisel to cut and maim
The walled spirit to goad and urge
Pounding, then to slowly wane

Each kiss a mark, a mortal stain
Our breath cast out in desperate purge
We dreamt and we would dream again

Love is all, yet our all is vain
The sea sings our final dirge
Pounding, then to slowly wane.

We are sin, yet without shame
No shadows, corners or verge
We dreamt and we would dream again
Pounding, then to slowly wane.






Poetry by Elle The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 464 times
Written on 2009-03-19 at 09:07

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Sid Gardner
Quality work from an accomplished writer.Marvellous composition and delivery.
Thanks for sharing your creation,
Sid
2009-03-21


Rob Graber
Enjoyed this write, especially the repeated line. I noticed I kept trying to read it as "We dreamt and we would dream again," which has--to me--a meter both stronger and more attractive. Just something to consider...
:-,?
2009-03-19



Your reprisal line "pounding then to slowly wane" works nicely in this poem. It give the poem a kind of hypnotic and, yes, dreamy mood. Neat, consistent line lengths and a subtle rhythm provide a very pleasing structure.

W.
2009-03-19