Infertility is the hardest thing to happen to me


I am sorry

This truth it will destroy you
On an autumn day
While you rack up leaves
On our Sun drenched porch
You look at me from under heavy lashes
You tell me it's ok as
you don't wish to be without me
It's ok as your always want me
And I'll bask in this glory
Thanking God for you loving me
As tears prick the back of my eyes

The hand round my heart squeezes a little tighter at all the lies
Until am breathless with this

In time
There is a difference to us
Making love is no longer rushed
After l look at you
You look down at me
But neither of us say this is pointless
Your days now a little darker, a little longer
Things a little more useless
As the truth picks at your dreams one by one

The hand squeezes a little tighter round my heart

At Christmas we pretend we are happy still
Completely in love still
While the truth comes out in giant sobs
To my sister in the garden
She says it's ok,your get through this
He loves you
I had no right in making you love me in the start

So the hand squeezes a little more round my heart

Somewhere along the way
Anger rises,the tension surprises
US
You begin to resent me
Hate me for letting you love me
And I am sorry
I loved you when I shouldn't have
I stayed a little too long
Cared a little too much
I needed this whatever it is

So the hand squeezes a little tighter round my heart

So invisibly I collect my possessions
Storing them
They lay there waiting

The courage comes three in the morning
On a Tuesday
Silently I gather my things
Wait by the window for a taxi

The knowing erupted
Watching you hold your newborn Godson
The beauty in his tiny hand
Tears glazing your eyes
Looking so proud
I can never give you this
Keeping me this is all your be
A childless man in his twenties
I should of been honest from start
I've known for years this would break your heart

Your in the hallway
As I start to leave
You help me with my bags saying nothing
I will never be a mother
Never again will I be anything
Before the taxi pulls away
You say
I didn't stop loving you
I have stopped trusting you

The hand squeezes a little tighter round my heart






Poetry by little-known
Read 578 times
Written on 2013-12-21 at 13:29

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Very sincere and moving.
2013-12-21


countryfog
It's hard to write this teary-eyed, but my own heart goes out to you. In this season of joy it is too easy to forget that for many there is none, that the one gift most wished for is impossible. You have made me appreciate even more the gifts of children and grandchildren that I have. May you come to be blessed, love and be loved, in other ways.
2013-12-21



This is heart-rending, deceptively simple but so well written. I feel hand around my heart after reading this.
2013-12-21