Random quote: “I am accursed to rob in that thief's company” Shakespeare

Ouch I hurt myself today Sia sings in her song Breathe me. Heh people that are able to say ouch do not know what real pain is. I was a little bit angry when I typed the previous sentence.

To feel lost so freaking lost inside you when all your body says screams that you
are in pain when the ground you stand on disappears and you are not falling but just feeel how everything else inside you breaks into pieces and floats in the air the air you so anxiously gasp for and the same instant you forget that you need to breathe and hold your breath in order to be able to focus and keep it together and you are no longer able to feel the beat of your heart but you know that your heart exists inside you for you But it doesn’t matter because when there is nothing left to hold on to - You can only look forward to make your journey worthwhile. Recover from the pain? What pain?I do not exist in the past and the people that hurt me? They do not exist inside me any longer because I will have to create a place inside me in order to place them in my head*. No!

… I don’t want to and the smooth surface of my desk I touch it and become one with it I also keep buying soft clothes so I can keep in touch with that part of myself(also: I am not doomed to become what touches me or to let what I felt touched by to guide my decisions) Leave me alone that is my medicine & my poison…

...and if you can feel the hurt that means that you are able to recall a time when you didn’t hurt

...and what’s the difference between ouch and ow? Ow! The moment of realization?

… and does it hurt less if you improve your knowing? Pain is pain but who you become right after defines you. Are you the same person? Every time you feel the pain are you the child that is in pain or the adult that never stops learning? What is pain when you never stop learning?

Pain calls my attention to the present and I need to clear my head and find a solution I try to take in what is happening with “fresh eyes” that is how I define “fresh eyes”: If I forget that I know what I know I can get to know what I didn’t get to  know  because I knew what I know.

*I’ve once written: the opinion you have of others makes you who you are?